A New Journey

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives

generously to all without finding fault,

and it [wisdom] will be given to him.

James 1:5

In April of last year, Derek and I decided that we were ready to add to our roost. God just led us to need that was so great in our State. Adoption was always an option for us, and with school behind us, we felt we were ready. Jackson's adoption was heaven sent. From our first orientation meeting, to the timing that led us to find Jackson, we know that God's plan was in full view. Approximately 2 months earlier in the height of travel ball season, one of Derek's players also began staying with us from time to time. He was a bright kid with a great future. As the summer progressed and school let out, we found out on June 9th that Jackson would be coming to live with us. We were beyond filled with grace. We felt that the process had been so smooth, and so unlike the horror stories we had heard about. At our first staffing, we were advised that there were two siblings that were also going to be available for adoption and we agreed to take them as well. From then on, you can reread old posts, but acquiring the siblings became a battle. We felt like God was continuing to bless us, and we along the way saw many ways that God allowed this process to stretch us and "grow" us. There were many highs and lows for us, but through it all we learned to trust and rely on God more and more. School resumed, Jasper was living with us full time, and Jackson's adoption closed October 26th. The girls were busy in dance, and everything was rolling along. At no time did we think that not getting Jackson's siblings would be the end result.

However, it was not easy. The battle was long. Satan was strong. And in the end, at today's court hearing we decided to walk away from this process. The fighting that has occurred between The Centers and us over the last six months has been exhausting. They are full of scorn and hate. They are liars. As I sat in court today, it amazed me that before God they just let the lies fly. Because the mom will not have her rights terminated until the 6th of March, they wanted us to be part of a family engagement program, support the mom, and facilitate visitation for reunification. Our core faith wishes the mom well. However, the facts are pretty clear, she has some very big challenges to overcome. We feel that even if she does not meet her goals by the 6th we would still be in a battle over placement of the siblings. We realize the emotional toll this battle has taken on all of us, and we believe that in the end, our family unit is more important and precious than a state system. When we left the court house today, I can honestly say that I felt relieved. When I look back over the last eight months, we see clearly how God was with us every step of the way. We see how he has richly blessed us with Jasper and Jackson, as well as our three girls, Elisha, Macey, and Briley. The experiences that we had with our attorney, the guardians, and the guardians attorney were pure examples of how God sends angels to us at just the right time. How they continue to do their job with dignity and grace continues to amaze us. To not give up, to continue the fight.. They are the real keeper of God's children. While the outcome did not turn out as we had expected back in June, we are clearly at peace with it tonight. We know that we can tell Jackson with good faith that we tried to keep his sibling group together. We know that God will cover those small boys with prayers, and that they will have a family of some type to care for them. I keep thinking of the Garth Brooks song with the line that goes "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." While we prayed for this, our church and friends prayed for this, we are not angry or hurt by the decision. It is an answer to the prayer that we asked God to show us- that if this wasn't meant to be that we would be able to walk away without guilt or pain,- that we would be able to know that we did all we good do.

We believe that God continues to bless us. Leaving Ocala today for the last time was easy for me. I felt at peace with how it was, and did not feel the heavy burden of sorrow that I usually feel. It was really an answer to prayer- that God would remove that from me, and just show us what the plan would or would not be.

I had a very great friend travel with me each time to Ocala. The meals and conversations that we shared each trip are sweet memories (minus the texting while driving incidents!!!). We never did stop and eat at the Burger Barn, but hey.. we couldn't accomplish everything.

We prayed for 2 boys last year- a 2 year old and a 4 year old. God richly blessed us with a 2 year old and a 16 year old and we love them more than ever. We feel that as a family, we have truly been given an opportunity to witness and share the goodness of God's love.

There were no tears today, and when I came home tonight and saw the faces of Jackson, Jasper, Macey, Briley, and Elisha I see the good that God gives to us each day.

We thank you for all your prayers, kind words, and thoughts with us as we moved along this journey. While this door may have closed, we are so excited to see what God has in store for us!

We know that we will continued to be blessed, because we know his plans for us far exceed anything we could ever imagine. As I read Jeremiah 29:11 each day, I am reminded that good things are coming by way of our family, that our desires our known, and HIS desires are to continually bless us.

You will keep in perfect peace

all who trust in you,

whose thoughts are fixed on you!

Isaiah 26:3

And this is Jackson's final picture for the day... runny nose and all.... Isn't God good to US!!!!!