#3 at it again! He is all over the field this year-- I know, I should learn the positions, but HEY... basketball is right around the corner!
Friday Night Lights!
I have a picture of him like this last year too! He really loves to "hang" on this fence and watch the games.
B has really grown in her academics this year- she even told us she needed a desk! She is working hard in 3rd grade! M has a desk this year too! I think that drove B to think she needed one to! It has made homework much more pleasant-
No pics of M this post... don't know where she has been.. oh yeah.. AT DANCE!!!
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
James 1:2-8
WOW- that is the ton of bricks kind of scripture that you need to hear sometimes. Consider it pure joy... whenever you face trials. Really.. that is certainly not the first word I would use to describe the last 17 months. Frustrated, angry, despair, confusion, those are more along the common words that pop into my mind regarding our State adoption disaster and other various random events that have pounded what we don't have into our lives these last 17 months. I would not in a million of years ever described dealing with that as pure joy- pure and sheer distaste is more of the lines I have thought. However, after reading this, I have to reflect on the angels that have so perfectly showed up when I have felt at my lowest- The perfect words that have been given at those times are priceless. They have lifted my heavy and sometimes broken heart. They have spoken to my soul. They have provided the ever needed charge to pick my self up and continue the battle.
"but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown about and tossed by the wind." - That is hard to swallow, because doubt has guided so much of this past 17 months. It has crowded and made me feel insecure more times than I would like to admit. It has beaten us up, it has worn us out, and it has made us question everything that we have been given and everything that has happened. We have not been faithful in believing that God will win in this situation. We have not been faithful in believing that he hears us, and that he understands our prayers. The feeling of being tossed in the wind speaks volumes to how I feel. Sometimes I haven't known if we were moving forward or backward, and I have doubted many times that this would be resolved in a positive manner for us. I have given this situation to the Lord so many times only to take it back. Why? Who knows, some of it is my need to control, to plan, and to know- while at other times, I have felt that no one is listening- no one is moving- no one is doing anything that is in the best interest of those boys. I have heard so many times, the wheels of justice are slow to turn- I know that to be true. But really, if I stop and think about it- I don't need to know- I need to have that mustard seed of faith that God hears our prayers, that he knows our hearts, that he knows how we want that family- and I need to trust that he knows the perfect timing and the perfect will for all situations.
It is easy to get down. It is easy not to see the good that has happened, and it is easy to see what has not happened. I am sure that God frowns when I get like this- it is a dark place- and yet- I know in the depths of my soul that he has us- he is in control, and he has our needs met far greater than we could ever imagine. But- it is that doubt that ever so slightly creeps in and begins to crumble the shell-- and then throw in a little bit of chaos, a little bit of bad news, an unpleasant circumstance and just like that it becomes dark again- The joy is gone, and replaced with doubt, fear, and anger. That is the ugly truth.
I am really not a fan of tattoos- can't stand them actually- but just for once I was considering maybe having James 1:2-8 tattooed on the top of my right arm - so that it was always there, always present- always there to face me when that first shred of doubt came knocking. Instead, I have printed it and will keep it with me- I am going to memorize it to, so that it becomes automatic during any trial to train my mind to go there.. "consider it pure joy"- wow- how that should change my mind mood immediately.
" That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." - Got it, point taken, - not much to argue with that except to say GOT IT- Clear- We are on the runway with that one. I have never actually described myself as unstable, but have felt unwell many times- And I am sure it is just semantics with me unstable / unwell same thing really. Not able to focus, distressed, irrational.. those words / feelings seem close - In fact until today I could say they were right there hanging on- pulling me down even further.
Sometimes God has a way of knocking you right in the head- Yes, I have asked, yes I have prayed, yes I have been strong- but more than any of this I have doubted this process the entire time. I have not had the wisdom to not be double-minded.. because no matter how good I have felt at times, that doubt has always managed to creep right back in and build. It is a terrible feeling- It may be related to my (terrible) desire to control- but it is unhealthy- it makes you unstable.
So - I have been asking for the wisdom all along.. and now I will see what true wisdom is when doubt is completely removed. There is not anything that my family needs that God will not provide. We have all prayed for those boys- we have all prayed about the circumstance- it is not our burden to carry- God has it from here! We are ready when his timing is perfect.
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..
Baby L- 7 months! A chunky monkey to say the least. We cannot wait to see what he thinks about the holidays!
The Big J catching kick-off punt return! He has had two great games back to back! He won the Army Iron Man Award for Florida last week! It was really exciting! I will post some more pictures after Monday with his big surprise!!
The new wolf mascot! The Little J thought he was "scary" but he loves the other one! This one has "big teeth" that will bite you!
M and the Little J- M left at half-time and helped me in the concession stand. That was REALLY nice I tell you! And then B came during the 4th quarter! It was a lot of fun for them. Funny what you like as a kid.
Working hard!!! The college letters are rolling in :-) Oh the places he can go!
The little J playing exploring!
It was a big day outside today! There were lots of things visiting the yard. 
This little butterfly hung around pretty much all afternoon.
Playing ....
outside all day on this crisp clear day!!
We even put up the bounce house!!
And then an interesting swarm of bees came! And fed for about fifteen minutes, and then they were off!
This was so neat! 
B, the Little J and I spent a good part of Saturday afternoon in our front yard watching the big Air Show! The Blue Angels were awesome! A little loud for the Little J but he still loved to see them!
One thing nice about watching from our driveway is that when the rain finally came (and did it ever come) we could just walk right inside!
Watching the air show from the comfort of your front yard- you just can't beat that!
The little J gave B a flower and then just as quick, grabbed it back and stuck it in his mouth. 
B was my buddy at the Ortho office yesterday. We were able to get all her homework done, read a few magazines, and look at some interesting pictures of hands! I will still have my cast for the next four months, (and that didn't even bother me!) and B is my new "reminder" of what I should and should not be doing with my right arm! HAHA- A side benefit of taking her with me! She is a sharp one the B!
