Five Fabulous Rowans

2 Views on Basketball

2012-01-29T19:07:00.000-08:00

Briley was my photographer today! I think she did pretty good considering my short lens is no longer working automatically! Jackson LOVES his basketball team! And for that I am glad. This fun little league has once again made me aware of how competitive Derek and I are. We have decided that we are no longer going to "coach" from the sidelines- every time we leave Jackson is so happy and thrilled about his performance! It's a funny age - 4- In some respects he is a little aggressive with the ball and his passes- that I am sure comes from gym time with his Dad's team- and there are times when he tries to "act" like Jasper- which is really funny, because at such a young age he has a lot of his mannerisms sized up pretty well- But- I digress- this is an "introduction to basketball league" and Derek and I have left a couple of times just thinking "wow! we need to just let him run around!"

A very fitting name here- Jackson the Tornado-

I love this picture because I have one just like it of Jasper-

We have worked on this, and today I was happy to see Jackson watching the game even if for a minute during his time out!

He has the arms up pretty much mastered!!!

And I must say, that he is a good ball handler! I guess that comes from spending hours in the gym!!

There he is... hugging the basket! These are the things that after the game make us chuckle! Not so much during the game :-)

I was talking to another parent today who teaches 3rd grade (a former Pre-K / K teacher) and she told me that Jackson was mild compared to other kids! HA- We need to find those kids. We are excited that we have his asthma under control well enough that he can play! That is such a gift! It's hard to believe our little miracle man is going to be 5 in 4 months! He is so proud that he weighs 43 pounds! He is obsessed with our scale- He weighs himself every time he enters the bathroom!

He has been coming to school with me a lot lately- He really loves that. I have worried about him making that transition so much- really too much! It's amazing how the Devil can creep in and fill all those idle moments with fear. By all accounts he is above where he needs to be- and I need to relax. God has held Jackson from the very beginning and I'm sure he gets frustrated because I worry about him so.

Jackson on the other hand, is very excited about being with us next year at school. Last night he wrote this sentence "I C A DOG NMD BCKT" (I see a dog named Biscuit)- His future K teacher was so impressed, she could not understand why I am worried! I don't know... it's probably because his personality is so different from Macey and Briley- I mean he is a BOY!!!

The count down is on for the end of the year. My kids have it plotted out in our room- 3rd nine weeks, progress reports, 4th nine weeks, and the last day! It will be over in a blink- This year has been an adjustment, but a big lesson in empathy and compassion. I can see all the curves I took that made this job easy for me. Each one of my kids have so much to offer the world regardless of their current circumstances! They have taught me so much! I have a student this year that can play music by ear- It has been really neat to give him songs, and have him come in the next day and play the entire song! I stand in awe of the talents we are given.

It's hard to believe that we are at the end of high school basketball! It seems like we were just getting ready for our season and now we are preparing for District playoffs! For us, that means travel ball is right around the corner!! Of course, at these games... we did yell at Jap a little :)

Jasper really had some great games! I am really going to miss him when he leaves for college- We still don't know where he is going or what he is going to play! Maybe before the start of his Senior year we can work all that out! With his high school season ending, we will be hitting the road for some great travel ball tournaments! I try to be neutral with him, but I think deep down he knows that I love the sport of basketball MORE than football. I keep telling him though he is the one going off, so it's up to him- to pick what he wants to play! We are just so proud of him either way.

Derek and I both were really proud of what he accomplished this year in both football and basketball- he was inducted into the NHS last week, so if he keeps it up he will have some really good opportunities.

The girls are great too! I don't have any pictures of them tonight, but they have been dancing every weekend, so I haven't had many opportunities to snap them. We are getting ready to compete a little bit in the next few months and they are very excited about that! I am too! It always amazes me how good they really are!

Life has been crazy. I have really enjoyed reading 7- It has cleared our house and our minds! I have sent it to several of my friends so that they to can "get rid of the junk!" The neat thing about the junk is that it is now residing in the garage- waiting for a yard sale my husband swears that he is going to have- HAVE AT IT!!! I'm just not to much into those- I would rather give to some one that can use! He has until the middle of February and then I will have the junk collectors come and have a field day!

It has really still NOT been cold for more than 2 or 3 days! It was high 70's last week- oh how I long for a COLD snap.... What I would do for a little SNOW.... It's just never winter here and I am not sure why... I mean Florida is always HOT!!!

Goals this week - snap some pictures of the girls! Macey is so tall- her legs are crazy long and she continues to amaze me with her beauty and grace! Briley is sprouting up to, so I will do my best to capture their beauty this week!

Try a little compassion this week- it's amazing what God will give back to YOU!

Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little"

2 Corinthians 8:13-15

What Teachers Make Final Moviebk2 0001

2012-01-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine sent this to me and I just absolutely love it! Especially this year with my group of kids- 18 who have been left behind; 2-3 years overage, and still in elementary school. These 18 remind me so much of 2 that we lost- in many cases they could mirror anyone of my kids. I wonder... in 10 years will those boys be in the same boat? Will anyone even care to know about their early years in foster care? Their dysfunctional case workers and administrators? The workers who stole their constitutional rights? And then I am reminded that those boys are exactly where they need to be- In his time and in his ways.

It's little things that make me think of those 2 boys so often- nothing big, nothing lingering anymore, just fleeting thoughts. And then I think how lucky Jackson is- that he made it out- that he has a mom and a dad, grandparents that don't smoke crack, and brothers and sisters that love him. It's amazing really- that even in all his difficulties at birth- 2 pounds, 26 weeks, that he is thriving- that he is testing out above his age, and that he is writing and spelling! God is good we are reminded.

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11

Running into January

2012-01-07T13:40:00.000-08:00

"Your state of mind is your state of being; so, if your state of being is out of whack, fix your state of mind!" This quote came to me over the break when I was struggling with some kids I have been dealing with this year.

I think the biggest lesson that I have learned this year is that your mind shapes many things you believe based on what you have been through or how you proceed through life. When in fact, we are all different- we raise our kids differently, we raise ourselves differently, and now more than ever we value "things" differently. In some cases, we have allowed others to lead us into believing what we need, or what our self-worth is! It's just not so sometimes! An open mind, a heart of compassion goes a long way.

We have started the year with a great beginning! We managed to get through the first week of school, and in reality, 4 days were just not enough!

Jap had a little accident in November and had to downgrade to a new set of wheels for a few weeks- He at least could not complain about the air conditioning which was on high all the time. Thankfully, he was a good boy all year and Santa saw fit to give him an "upgrade" for Christmas!

Ho, Ho, Ho- Jackson had a fantastic break! I think he stayed in pajamas 20 hours a day! Only changing to go to the park, ride his bike, and play some basketball. His first game is Sunday and it is all he has been talking about.

Jap and Lawrence won their Christmas tournament this year out in Baker County. It was really a lot of fun (and excitement), a few nail biters, but well worth 12 games in three days!

Jackson has learned to spell and write. He knows quite a few sight words and he has become a budding writer. He also likes to text now! He is really enjoying his school! Not only is he learning to read and write, but he is taking chess and art as well. He is turning into quite the character- yesterday he was telling me all about his chess teacher, and how his chess teacher knew EVERYTHING there was to know about chess- In fact, Jackson told me that he had known his chess teacher "for about 20 years"- he is so funny sometimes!
Macey and Briley are back at dance. It will be a busy few months as they prepare for competitions and NDW- Both are happy to be back in school because in this house we know that after Christmas starts the countdown to summer!!

It was finally winter here last week. I think we actually had 5 days in a row of early morning temperature in the 20's! That has now passed,- we are back up to mid 70's with lows in the high 40's low 50's. If we did not have all the kids we would for sure live where it snowed! I just love the cold weather. Maybe when the girls graduate we can move!!

A few years ago I read Francis Chan's book Crazy Love. I loved it and have read chapters from it every few days for the last 2 years. There is just so much good there. I then read another book by Linda Dillow called Calm My Anxious Heart- I loved that one just as much. I also read from that book several times a week. It's a battlefield out there and both of those books bring me right back to a calm that is unexplainable! This year adding to that collection is a book called 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess- the premise here is that you spend 30 days on each of the 7 items that are excessive. We have so much stuff! In our attic, in our closets, in our cabinets, and in our pantries! It is almost embarrassing how much stuff we have! This year I am purging the stuff in hopes of freeing up some space! There are so many people who can use our "stuff" that this year I will make sure it is available to give! When I cleaned out our linen closets I had 7 sets of double bed sheets- we don't even own a double bed anymore!!! Crazy how we hang on to stuff that has no use for us! We will never buy a double bed- only queens or kings around here! But yet, in my closet I had 7 sets of sheets taking up residency on a shelf that I would never use!
Basketball tonight- I can hardly wait! Enjoy your weekend!

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Running through December!

2011-12-22T15:58:00.000-08:00

Well we have all but flown through December. Vacation, church Hanging of the Green, kids Christmas Musical, Dance Performances, church Contanta, school production of The Nutcracker are just some of our activities. Now, it is time to REST!

We have enjoyed 2011- It has been a year that has allowed us to heal and overcome- It has been reflective in many ways, and forced us to look at what we have been given- We are ever so thankful. While we wonder sometimes why things turn out in ways that they do, we are reminded in Psalm (18:30) that His ways are without fault. That His words are pure. And those truths have guided our journey through 2011 this year. Knowing as Joel Osteen says, "God closes doors so bigger ones can open."- We believe that. And we have witnessed time and time again this year bigger doors opening. Not just for us, but all around us. It is easy to be distracted by things- by people, and by circumstance- but when you can really commit to you mind that great things are in store for you - you are able to view life in such a different light. Your ability to allow faith to lead grows tremendously. It has been a good year :-)

Stitch and Lilo think so too! Jackson could not ask for better buddies!

Jackson and Briley are a little addicted to ice cream!

Spending Thanksgiving in Disney was a blast! I think we were the only ones there! It was the perfect time, and it was great not to wash one dish for five days :-)

Basketball season has started! This is our favorite season!! I can't wait to see how it turns out!! So far we are 8-2!

Jap is still #3- I love to get pictures of them on the bench! They always look so intense!

Peppermint returned! He has been hiding around the house, and Jackson and Briley have been on a mission to find him every morning! We are all out of school until the 3rd! It has been WONDERFUL so far! It's hard to believe when we go back the second nine weeks is almost over! It just does not seem possible. I know I say that a lot but I am always amazed at how fast the time goes by.

More pics and posts to come! Merry Christmas!

Jackson and Texas Pete!

2011-11-20T11:51:00.001-08:00

I almost forgot Jackson's favorite new look! He was trying to be like his dad- orange juice, saltines, texas pete, and vienna sausages! He was so proud of himself!!

Some Pictures- Finally :0

2011-11-20T11:03:00.001-08:00

Wow! It's been awhile again! We have been busy, but I did manage to capture some pictures of the kids- actually went on Facebook for some, because they never seem to be around when I have my camera anymore! This was Jackson a few months back- He was Spiderman for quite awhile. So, much so that when it was time for Halloween, he became Ironman, because you know even Spiderman likes to dress up for Halloween!

Macey and Lucy!

Macey and Briley :-)

My Macey :-)

Sweet Lucy, not even a day old yet!

Lucy and Logan -

I through this picture in to remind me that it is just about that time to start thinking about cards! Oh my.. have some funny ideas this year, but we will see :-)

Jap at Homecoming- He was the Prince this year. Don't know who took this picture- had to snag it off his page! He looked nice- he was happy, said he had a great time-

Macey and Jasper (We originally thorught Jap broke his elbow- but thankfully it was just a bad bruise!) Nothing like spending the night in the hospital after a long day of school and a grueling football game!

I might have posted this picture- but I love the plaid!!!

Briley and Lucy! She was so excited tha day!!

Jackson making his "I'm not happy face" followed by minutes and minutes of laughter!!!

Jackson and Baby Lucy! He was so excited!!

Wow! Hard to believe Thanksgiving will be here in just 4 short days! It seems this (school) year has been nothing short of a blink! It amazes me how fast it goes by. Some days seem to drag, but when you look at the overall amount of time, it really feels like a blink. We are getting ready to leave for a few days- I don't know who is more excited between the kids. They have been talking about this vacation since May, and now it will be here in just 2 short days.

Basketball season started for us last Thursday- we played in a local tournament (preseason) and won both our games. Our first regular game is Tuesday and hopefully that will be a win as well! At times I cannot believe that Jasper is a Junior! His time with us grows shorter by the minute! We still are not sure where he is going to school, or which sport he will pick to play- but we are so proud that he has options. When I think about how God just perfectly fit him with our family, and I look at the changes he has made, and the young man he has become it really makes me proud. God knows just what we need, even if we think it is something else!

Jackson is having a blast in Pre-K. He is writing his name, knows his letter sounds and letters, and has a great interest in books, writing, and math! He loves to add! He really just loves school- his friends, art, and what he learns each day. That makes me so happy! He also loves to play. I am so glad that we have Lilo and Stitch ot keep him company. I think they are a great group of pals! They keep him just as busy as he keeps them! Next week he will have his first basketball game! He is super excited about that!

Macey is breezing through middle school. She is growing by the minute. It amazes me how tall she is getting. I think when she puts on her dance clothes it is the most noticable to me! At a time that can be really rough for some kids, she has made some great friends and is enjoying just being a kid!!

Briley is Briley! I don't think anything gets Briley down. She is so sweet and kind! She is also the only kid that goes to school with me right now, so it's funny to see her as my only TK! Next year though, Jackson will join us- and that will be the last time for awhile that I have 2 of my own kids with me! Hard to believe they are growing up!

This is a great time of year for us! We are all really thankful for what we have been given and the experiences we have been able to have. While not all of them have been worth a redo, they certainly help to shape who you become. I told my friend's daughter the other day that "a wide path allows you to see the grays, where before maybe you only saw the black and white." For me, I think I have always seen the gray- call it life experience or who God made me as a person I just have always been able to see that it is never black and white. I am thankful for that. As part of a class 2 weeks ago that I had to take, it identified my personality as a "rescuer"- and as part of that class that wasn't necessarily the best place to be. There were lots of reasons- you are an enabler, you often want it more than the people you are helping, people perceive you as week... the list just went on and on... It really made me think about who I am- and I thought for a second- ok maybe this isn't a good thing! But then it's who I am- A good friend tells me everyday- you may be the only good thing a person sees- You never know the impact you have, but don't take forgranted that you aren't reaching someone!

Each step we take, is a way to humble ourselves. To let us see, the good we have been given. As we enter into this Christmas season, I am so very thankful that I had a solid foundation built by my parents, grandparents, and great grandparents. When I talk to my childhood friends, we just shake our heads at the lack of parenting going on by many parents today. We talk about our youth, and their lack of empathy and lack of inner drive, but that is something that is missing at home. It's hard to get kids to see that live in awful circumstances that people actually do care about them and want to see them make it out! It's day by day, but eventually they begin to see that you do care, and that their little lives our valued!!

Here's to a short week and a great vacation with our kids! It's the first Thanksgiving in years that I have not had access to a stove! I think I might finally be ok with that :-)

2011-11-01T06:46:00.000-07:00

It's Nov 1 and we now have a granddaughter!!! Lucy was born this morning at 6:26! What an amazing gift!

It seems like October was a blink- Can't believe that it's gone. We have been super busy with football and dance. I think every weekend the girls have been dancing some where. It has been crazy hectic but so much fun. Football is winding down- we have 2 games left and then basketball starts 11/22- I just can't wait for that!!!

The kids are most excited about our big vacation over the Thanksgiving holidays. This will be the first Thanksgiving in a long time that we have been away and not involved in any cooking! I am excited about that! Jackson is counting down the days... He is so good with numbers! I think he really will be a Math / Science kid, where Macey and Briley really excel in Reading / Language Arts. He can write his name now all by himself- it took him awhile because he was more concerned about how many letters he had to write compared to everyone else- but now he can write it quickly and has stopped complaining!

The school year is flying by too! We just finished the first 9 weeks and today is actually the 50th day! Life is good when it just flies by and you are not worried.

I need to take some pictures .. I will get on that this weekend! I swear Macey is 5'7 at least!!! She is crazy tall.... and Briley is right behind her!

Just wanted to let you know about Lucy! Enjoy your day!! More later....

Moving On

2011-09-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

Her joy is contagious!!!

Briley and her friend!

Even Batman reads the BIBLE!!

Jackson as a Vet-

Well, as usual it has been full of fun and chaos around here! I am actually off today (by myself, for myself) and thought I would drop in on my own blog and give some updates! Life is full of bumps, hills, and curves-

We will start with today and work back :-) Today I took off to go to court with one of my good friends. Who actually did not become one of my good friends until about 10 months ago. We were church members and coworkers - but not good friends. We have kids the same age, we have a lot of the same interests but our lives were moving in different directions. She made a mistake, God immediately humbled my heart and we became friends- not acquaintances but really good friends- As much as I was able to watch God work a mighty healing in her life, I was able to see God work just as big of healing in mine. It's amazing how we lose empathy, become hardened, and beleive that no-one can be as good as us- God has such a way of humbling that. Not that I have been in that place in a long time, but when you are not there it is amazing to look out and see who is there- Today ended part of her journey and started a new one- one that will last just a little over a year. And like I said almost a year ago- If I never go back to Ocala it will not be soon enough, - and I have been several times in fact- and now, it seems as if I will be making even more trips there. That is such a painful place for me- one of lost hope and bad memories- but God is continuing to send me there. I don't get it! It may be one of total surrender- He tells me where to go- I don't make those decisions- but oh how I wanted a break on that one. But today, I learned it isn't so- I will be making that drive- I will be making that drive to minister and support a friend. And that makes me think- I am so thankful for each of my friends- even the ones I don't speak to as often as I would like. I am thankful for the Cross- that all that is bad is removed, healed, and restored. It was so present this morning- in what could have been a breaking news story- there was no media present,- in what could have been a circus, was just a somber parting- not forever- just a few short months. God's grace was ever so present.

Trust comes in all kinds of packages- It's amazing when you just blindly trust the benefits of that- That He is there to carry all that baggage, and allows you to focus on you! I am so thankful for that.

We are just about in the middle of football season! I have actually started practices for basketball cheer leading and I am most excited at that. While the majority of Jap's offers come from football I am trusting that we will see quite a bit of basketball interest when his season starts in November. I am amazed at how far my squad of girls have come. I am excited about our summer and next year too! It's great when you can look and see past tomorrow.

Macey and Briley are crazy busy with dance. They dance every weekend this month. It amazes me when I watch them what grace and beauty they show. Macey has the best legs! It always makes me sigh when I look at her extend! She is so much taller than me :-)

Briley is having a good time too! She is the most flexible kid I know!! She is loving 4th grade! It is hard to believe she only has one more year with me!

Jackson is having a great year in Pre-K 4!! I can't wait to bring him to school with me next year. He is so funny- his personality is like a smash of the 3 older kids- and he has the best belly laugh ever!! He is so personable and friendly! He loves his dogs, and playing outside! He is excited about our upcoming vacation and can't wait to go to Sea World and Disney. It's funny what he sort of remembers from our last time there.

Fall officially started last Friday, only someone has not informed Mother Nature! It is still in the high 90's around here! We are getting lots of rain, which is nice, but oh how I would love some days in the low 80's! I am ready for the holidays though! I am ready for some cool weather and some college basketball :-)

Derek and I are busy all the time! It's quite fun, and we are thankful for the experiences we are given!

They are blessed who work for peace, for they will be called God's children.

Matthew 5:9

A Story to Tell.....

2011-08-27T12:52:00.001-07:00

I'm so excited I am ready for school- (Sorry for the blur... it was my lens ... another camera fix and we should be good!)

Briely- ready for 4th grade.

Lawrence - ready for 11th grade.

Jap ready for 11th grade!

Jap's car...

Macey - ready for 7th grade!

My short lens is broke again- At first they thought it was related to the light setting- we were getting great pictures inside, but horrible outside- so we made some adjustments, and then after this shoot Monday I took it back and there happens to be a "gear" problem in the lens. Not saying that I think Nikon is a bad brand, but have had quite a bit of trouble the camera and lens....

What a fun first week of school- And all I can say is if the next 35 go as fast as this then WOW- June will be here before you know it. It was a great first week back for us. Jap being able to drive to school now is such a blessing. He can get to and from school, and to and from practice- plus run any afternoon errands that I may need him too! That is such a big help.

Macey and Briley started dance this week too. And having Jap out of the mix made that so much smoother too. It seems that a later start, combined with a more relaxed afternoon carpool works better for all of us.

Jackson had his first full week of Pre-K. He had 5 super-duper days. It amazes me to go in his room each day. There are so many activities going on with the little people. They have these neat little centers, and they can only go if there is room for their name tag on the center sign. Jackson was so excited that he was able to pick and he would talk about where he was going to go the next day. He even practiced writing his J’s this week!
I have a great class this year. While each one of my students may have some unique challenges, they are all proving to be hard workers. We talked a lot about goals, expectations, and being the best you can be. I am excited to have that opportunity to help them make such changes in their lives.

We had a huge storm coming our way- at the beginning of the week the District made a decision to move our Friday night game to Thursday- and at first we thought maybe there would be no school Friday, but the storm turned East and we were fine. Jap had a great game Thursday- his only goof happened on the first play of the game- a return for about 55 yards that ended in a fumble!!! I couldn't’t believe it- and I don’t think he could either. After that, he was off and running scoring the first touchdown and just having a great all around game. The Cheerleaders had a great game too! Their hard work over the summer is showing.

While all that good stuff happened- I also had the unpleasant opportunity to witness a violent act against a child and it made me physically sick. I just don’t understand parents at times. I don’t understand how they can treat kids with such abuse and cruelty- with their words, hands, and actions. It almost seems like a hopeless situation, and many times instead of doing something, people just turn their heads. And it just leaves you with a very sick feeling. I mean, you say to the kids you can make a difference, you have a choice, but then they go right back to that crazy life at home and even you know it is a total loss. To expect a child to maintain integrity, drive, and ambition when they are not surrounded with it- when they are emotionally and verbally abused the minute they step through the door. And nothing is done- an overworked system with pathetic investigators who most of the time just see it as a paycheck- It took me immediately back to Jackson's situation - how just cruel that State was to his brothers and him- When it's not personal it doesn't affect most people. There is no apathy- just a quick turn off. These children don't belong to them, and not their problem. There are so many kids out there with lives I can't even imagine, and yet I teach some of them everyday. They are in our building, in our neighborhoods, and in our daily crossings. They are truly the lost and forgotten.

At lunch today Derek said you expect these kids to do what is right, but they have no positive role model outside of you. You (we) cannot save them all. It is an overwhelming feeling- and yet if everyone just got involved with one- what a difference it would make. What an impact on a life- but that requires sacrifice on your part.

I know that God has served us a full plate- We have a house full of kids- and I am thankful for each one of them. However they came- that one day they will see the value in giving back. That they will not take the attitude "not my problem"-

One of my favorite Bible stories comes from Matthew 25: 42-45

I was hungry, and you gave me nothing to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me nothing to drink. I was alone and away from home, and you did not invite me into your house. I was without clothes, and you gave me nothing to wear. I was sick and in prison, and you did not care for me.' "Then those people will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or alone and away from home or without clothes or sick or in prison? When did we see these things and not help you?' "Then the King will answer, 'I tell you the truth, anything you refused to do for even the least of my people here, you refused to do for me.'

I just feel like we have such a purpose here- we are to treat those who are poor and desperate- not to turn and run and not be involved.

It was an eye opening week- and I wondered so much about those children that are left to poverty, poor parenting, and the emotional, physical, and verbal abuse that so often follows. The people that work in those fields- that just simply say "it's the way it is"- we are commanded to make that change- and yet do many times the right thing is not done.

In one of my favorite books, Francis Chan states, "God didn't just give a little bit for us; He gave his best. He gave Himself. True love requires sacrifice; "Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

A lot to think about as we head into the Fall and all the activities that go with it.

Praying for those children who are so neglected and unloved- that God will show them mercy and that those that know will act- and not just sit back and think "not my problem."

We do not want you to have troubles while other people are at ease, but we want everything to be equal. At this time you have plenty. What you have can help others who are in need. Then later, when they have plenty, they can help you when you are in need, and all will be equal.15 As it is written in the Scriptures, "The person who gathered more did not have too much, nor did the person who gathered less have too little.

2 Corinthians 8:13-15

And so it ends....

2011-08-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we head back to school! I can hardly believe it! We will have a Junior, a 7th grader, a 4th grader, and a Pre-K student!! That is 4 kids in 4 schools that all start at different times! So thankful that Jap is allowed to drive on campus this year!

It should be a great week- we are ready- the plans have been made!

All the kids are ready. I think Jackson is the most excited about going to school. Jap may be excited, but it has nothing to do with academics HA- maybe driving, sports, and the ability to leave campus for lunch!! Macey is ready to get in the swing of things- and Briley well, she would like summer to never end. I think she has asked me five times in the last hour what time she has to get up in the morning.

Our first week of dance, Friday night lights, and after school car pool starts MONDAY!!!

It seems like we have quite a few holidays this first semester. The thing about teaching is that we always seem to have markers, - Labor Day, Teacher Planning Day, Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, and then Christmas Holidays! - BAM half a year finished.

Time does not stand still, that is for sure!

Enjoy your week!

A few photos!

2011-08-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

It's hot here... Really hot here, and the humidity is really crazy too- so while it may only be 102 it feels like 125~ and there is no escape from that heat! I think my AC has run non-stop since May and I have the JEA bill to prove it!! I thought we were going to get a little tropical storm to cool us off, but that didn't happen! They are predicting that this heat wave will continue for another few weeks, but I am hoping that the humidity will ease more than the heat!
Jackson has had a great summer- no problems with his asthma at all! I think his healthy lifestyle is helping out many of his asthma issues and his lung capacity!
We are through with basketball for the summer and I already miss it! It seems like it just flew by this year, and our week in Orlando was so fast!
We are gearing up for football- so that is exciting for Jap!
A great extension- but my camera was really suffering that day! had a light exposure issue!
Jackson playing at camp- sticks, outdoors, and lots of dirt! His kind of week!
Jap at his 7 on 7 -
Still #3 :-)
Strike a pose -
Briley at camp- crazy sock day! I love our summer sleep away camp! It is truly one of my favorite weeks!
Macey and Jackson playing :-)
Jackson playing on the web cam! It amazes me how smart on the computer he is- Really all kids are very computer savvy now!

We had a very productive week last week around here! This week we are just hanging out and enjoying my last week of summer. The kids still have 2 weeks, but we report back next Monday.

I was thinking this week- it seems we are either counting down, or counting up to some event- really going to try and just enjoy the moment! Going to try and focus on the day and not the week- just really get in the moment.

Until now you have asked Me for nothing in My name. Ask and you will receive, that your joy may be complete.

John 16:24

Clemson Tigers !

2011-08-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.tigernet.com/view/recruit.do?id=1477

August 1, 2011

2011-08-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

Only if you teach children's choir do you probably think in August that Christmas is really just a matter of teaching weeks away! It is amazing to think that we are starting August. We have been busy this summer and we really haven't been all that many places- and when we have been, it seems it has been for weeks at a time.

I have successfully completed taking Patrols to Washington and WHS Varsity and JV cheerleaders to Cheer Camp, 1 week of sleep away camp for church, and 1 week of AAU Showcase and Nationals in Orlando! It has been fun, but I am excited to spend the next two weeks close to home before we transition back into a new school year.

The kids are growing like crazy! Jap will be a Junior, Macey a 7th grader, Briley a 4th grader, and Jackson in Pre-K 4. Where has the time gone?

We will start the year with football and dance, and maybe soccer for Jackson. It's exciting and I am happy to be coaching this year. I have a great squad of girls and this can be such a crucial age for them at school.

Change is good and seems to be coming from all around- this year I am changing jobs to work with at-risk kids at the elementary level. I am excited- these are really the kids that I champion. For the most part they have just been left behind for various reasons- and within the year they will have the opportunity to shoot to success again. The program has been in our county for as long as I have been employed, and I was excited when our Principal decided to bring it to our school.

Jap has had some great coverage this summer with both basketball and football. He attended a small camp at Clemson and has been offered a full ride there and at Southern Miss. Others are coming in as well and it is such an exciting time for him. I am so proud that he has remained humble and that he talks to us about the choices that are being offered to him. I am also so glad that he will be able to drive to school this year! That will cut the carpool time way down, and he will be able to help with the littles.

Macey is officially taller than me now by 2 inches. She has been taller than me for awhile, but today at their yearly check-up it was confirmed. And I think she has told anyone that will listen that she is not only 2 inches taller than me, but that she hasn't even hit her growth spurt! She will be dancing again this year 4 nights a week, and maybe playing some volleyball.

Briley is tall too, and according to her growth chart will be taller than me too! That's really not saying a lot because as many of you know, I am in no means tall!!! It's hard to believe that she will be in the 4th grade. It seems like just yesterday she was starting school. She will continue dancing this year too, and we finally have all classes that start after 5:00!! Excited about that!!

Jackson is 4 ! He is a trip! I can't express how full of life he is and how curious he is about things. He loves to play and ask questions. He is learning to write his name, knows almost all of his letter sounds and can count to 15 perfectly- 20 when he is counting actual objects. He loves his dogs and his Dad. He can't wait until his Dad comes home from work, and he especially loves when his Dad comes and gets him and then takes him back to the office!

This summer we moved kids bedrooms around, landscaped the front and back yards, and cleaned out our attic! It is amazing how much we collect and never use! Why is that? Decluttering is good for the soul.

I also watched the first and second season of GLEE and I am addicted! What a great show! My sister and parents came down for a week- we are expecting our second grandchild (Lucy) and all is GOOD! We are moving along in 2011. We have experienced many good things and will continue to expect BLESSINGS from ABOVE!

June-

2011-06-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe July 4th is right around the corner! We are going to celebrate this year in town! It will be the first year we have been in town in about 4 years! We are excited to hang out with friends and relax!!! No driving for us! We will certainly do some grilling! We have been busy working in our yard all summer. Jackson is such a great little gardener! He has had quite a few tomatoes this year already. We are going to move his garden from containers to the ground soon! Next year he wants to plant watermelon!

We are so fortunate to live by the beach! I think this is one of my kids favorite places!

This week is VBS at our church and we are having SO MUCH FUN!!! It is really one of my favorite things in the summer! It is great to see all the kids get excited about GOD! And by Wednesday they know their songs- they are having a blast!!

Next week I will be in DC with my Patrols. Love this trip!! Love DC :-) It's one of the places I would like to live if we didn't live here.

The wildfires here are awful! It has made outdoor fun a little light a few days already. The smoke is so thick! It is hard to breathe and the ash is just awful! I don't remember the fires being this bad since 1998- when a trip to the Gulf Coast proved to be very interesting! We are expecting rain - Thursday - Sunday so hopefully many of these fires will receive the water they need. It is just so dry here-

Summer is in full swing! No dance for a few more weeks, but lots of football, basketball, and cheer practice going on! All the kids have great books they are reading and I think we have all taken an afternoon nap everyday for a week. Can't figure out how we functioned without that nap!

Picture post soon!

Another Year Almost Done!!!

2011-06-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

Wow~ what a wild and crazy school year! You can read this post and think.. man that is a lot of stuff, or you can think while if HE puts you in the fire, he pulls you out refined and shining!

August started with an illegal felony take down of our family in the driveway of our home after summer football practice one day. While a simple apology was all we asked for- that request turned into a 7 month battle with the Jacksonville Sheriff's office that FINALLY resulted in the discipline of three officers - Hickey, Leaveritt, and Willbanks. While I have much respect for the work that the JSO does- it does not in anyway excuse poor judgment and failure to acknowledge when you make a mistake. Nor should you have to fight an agency that thinks their officers can do no wrong- Most people would have chalked that up to a bad experience- but what happened to our family was more important to me than just a "bad experience." That event has triggered many emotions for my family- through LOTS of prayer and counseling I think the only lingering effects of that incident is the anxiety that occurs when a police officer pulls behind our vehicle. That in time will subside we are told, but the discipline of those officers was absolutely the most healing for our family.

November ended an 18 month battle for Jackson's siblings- Enough said about that- I can say 7 months removed we know God's plan for our family is GOOD!

December turned into an even bigger growing experience for me- Probably one of the biggest of my adult life. One of my friends made a poor choice that has resulted in a lot of stress, grief, anger, and sorrow for not only her, but her family, our church, and our school. While her decision was not an individual decision- it was one that broke the law. And none the less, one that has divided our community. As a person who finds great comfort through her faith, I find it amazing that forgiveness has been so slow to come- While there are no excuses for the situation- we are reminded that as Christians we are called to love - NOT JUDGE. As one of my wise friends said - you have heard all the lessons, you have set through many sermons, Sunday School lessons, and bible study groups - you have now been given the opportunity to demonstrate all that you have learned. For me I think the struggle was the hatefulness that has been shown to not only her, but her family as well. I guess that I have learned that many people will only accept you if you are "not a problem"- What a shame! I would just suggest to all those that struggle to really read Crazy Love- by Francis Chan- what an amazing piece of literature work!

January - April is pretty much a blur! Lots of appointments - when I look back at my calendar I think God was good during that time- while it was busy- many things were resolved in our favor- Proof that while going through fire can be a refining process, but the finished project is always better than the beginning.

May-- what a fun month! Wrapping up a great year!! Right?? A new job as the Varsity Coach- Something that I am finally doing for an outlet for me- not cheer- just the coaching aspect- intense cheer tryouts, closing out a big year and in the process of all the fun I broke my foot! Have no idea how that happened- or even when it happened- but I do know when I realized I had broken it! HAHA! Let's just say I am thankful for pain management! And, I am also thankful for a great doctor who understood that I needed my foot for the next 4 weeks - in a BIG way!! It was so good to look back on that appointment and laugh now--The Doc- " So let me get this straight-- you are not crying because your pain is so high, you are crying because you have so much left to do and you don't think you can deal with this right now??? Yep-- that about wraps it up in a nutshell! Oh the joys of bones, they are such funny things! Even through a broken bone I can say God was again faithful- The bone that broke just took TIME :-) and the time is almost up!!

June- what a welcoming friend!! A crazy time really! Last Friday in the midst of all the holiday weekend fun Jap was offered a full ride to Clemson- and then he had such a great write up in the Tiger Beat at http://www.tigernet.com/view/story.do?id=9671- How perfect are God's plans for him- wow we thought 2 and 4 God knew 2 and 15! And that was his second offer! We think of course as his parents he is good- but when colleges come knocking we say to ourselves in amazement- WOW- he REALLY is good! And he is a great kid! Smart and HUMBLE!!!

As I sit and watch Macey and Briley at all day recital practice today I think - WOW- It is REALLY Good in the our house! I have two amazing girls that have just grown into amazing little dancers!! What a true gift each one of them have been given.

So while reflecting on these last almost 180 days I think- while I may not have written the script just that way- I can honestly say that after coming through the fire- I can say it was scripted beautifully!

Looking forward to the next 4 1/2 days to close the school year! Then no more schedules, no more clocks! Just weeks and weeks of fun!

Jasper getting his Gateway Conference Football Award! I was so proud of him! I hope he gets 2 next year~~~
Cheer tryouts! A grueling hot process- but the good news I was able to get a great base tan!

Jackson on his birthday - 4 years old!

The Macer!- I think she is about 5'5! Cannot believe it!!

Action Jackson! Always going...
Briley Bri who turned 9 exactly 1 week later!
Look who's 4!! 37 pounds-
Jackson before surgery! In May Jackson had total baby teeth restoration- There is a correlation between giving a baby a bottle for 2 years and tooth decay. It is amazing that he was in State Care and that care was so lacking at times- teeth, shots, sibling placements- I mean I could go on and on- but I will just say... GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL TO JACKSON!! From his tiny 2 pound start to the 37 pounds he is now 4 years later God has been right there leading him and guiding him to his family. We thank God everyday for Jackson!
The new varsity squad minus 2 girls!

Lawrence and Jackson- taking a quick nap before the big game!
Jap had a great Spring Football game! Still #3
And in the same weekend placed 2nd in an AAU tournament winning MVP :-)

The party invasion! This was the best idea ever- Constant fun from 9-9!

Just a few of the birthday cupcakes- I think that Jackson probably ate 10 of them...
Jackson and his best bud Walker Man!
Briley and Kelsey!

Jackson's new lunchbox!
This had to be the funniest thing EVER... the car quit running, so what are boys to do??
point, talk,....
touch, listen...
touch some more!!!
We hatched chickens at school this year! How much fun was that. We were able to keep two in our room for a week- Meet Buttercup and Banana- They have since returned to the farm-

Next year I am taking a turn from teaching traditional students and will be working with students that are 2-3 years behind in an accelerated program. I am very excited to have the opportunity to work with these kids and know it is WAY more than just not doing good in school. I can look back over the last ten years and just sit back and watch the movie of how God has shaped my heart and my passion for these students! I am excited about the challenge but more importantly excited about the opportunity to make a difference!

Looking forward to summer fun!

Boo!

2011-05-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

Happy May! Happy 26 days left in this school year!! It's been awhile, but I needed a break- Read a few good books and just hung out with the fam- put life on hold for a little bit- well the writing part anyway! I am amazed that how renewed God can make you feel. It seems like this year has gone by in a blink, and the pain that it started with has been completely removed. God has given us so much in the way of restoration and healing!

It is hot here now! Really hot!! and did I say NO RAIN??? Really, the big storm that came through Alabama last week didn't even make it to us. I think we may have squeezed an inch if that from it! We need rain. We have had 2 big wildfires within 12 miles of our house in the last week alone. Did I say it was HOT and DRY??

The kids are running 100 mph in all directions. The end of school, the end of dance, the start of Spring Football, the new Cheerleading Job I have at the high school- CRAZY - but what fun we are having!! Except my camera broke and had to be fixed which took a long time to order parts and fix (about 6 weeks) so I lived through my IPHONE camera which is no where near as nice as my NIKON!! But all is well now!

Last night Jackson asked me "Are we going to eat at the hotel again?" It was so cute!! I said, "No, honey!!" "We are going to eat at your favorite pizza restaurant!" - but tonight we had a quiet evening at home and Jackson helped me make dinner for everybody else. He loves that- of course he loves outside more and that probably is the real reason he is so compliant to help me.

Macey is going to start playing volleyball. I think she is almost 5'5! It is crazy! She is 4 inches taller than me already.

Jackson's growing a garden! See his little tomato! He is so excited! He has bell peppers, blackberries, and grapes too! This has been a great project for him. He is learning all about fruits and vegetables. As a matter of fact he has pretty much claimed our backyard!

Briley even made signs for him.

Next year we are going to give him his own plat!

Jackson's blackberry bush! He has two of them, and the squirrels have taken his red berries twice! He is so sweet about it too! He keeps saying "momma, they must be hungry!"

Jap and I went on a field trip Friday! Looks like some one had some fun! I love this trip! I think even if the kids don't go next year I am!

Same field trip- this was the Army- Jap did about 50 push-ups with this guy- The guy was impressed- He told Jap - You are strong, but I- I am ARMY STRONG!!!

Briley after her first performance Friday! She is so good! I am so proud of the dancer she has become. It amazes me the growth she has had. I think she is the most flexible person I know right now.

Macey after dance- caught! eating a hamburger!!

Briley- fresh from dance to the basketball gym! Needless to say we had a very busy weekend!

Macey - so excited to be in the gym!!

Jackson putting on his shorts so he could "sit on the bench" with his dad!

Jackson found this lowered hoop and must have shoot 100 shots! He was so excited to make them- he kept impressing himself. He is truly at home in the gym! And he is well loved on by all the refs! This is the 4th kid raised in a gym!

Then he found this little ball and was showing everybody that he could "finger roll" like the big kids! He was quite full of himself by Sunday afternoon!

Did I tell you I had dinner with Usher the other night? Ran into him in the weirdest place! He was so nice-He asked if he could sit with us--- all 17 of us to "blend in" :-) I tried not to be obvious with the picture! I can't show the good one.

Jackson finally gave out! He played all day and just in his words "needed a little rest". He is amazing! It is hard to believe that his tiny beginnings have blossomed into almost 4 years!

Derek's travel ball team won a huge AAU tournament this weekend! It was really good ball. Jap is dunking all over the place now! It is really a sight to see. Hard to believe he will be a junior next year.

I ordered a Blog book of all posts up to this one, so I will try to be more diligent in my posts again!

How Embarrassing!

2011-02-22T20:39:00.001-08:00

GEE- just looked at my own blog... still stuck in December LOL... I thought I changed that but must have only changed..
www.totalcalm.blogspot.com and www.jaxnets.blogspot.com

will certainly work on that this weekend!!! but for now.. well it will do!

A Quick Hello!!

2011-02-22T19:28:00.000-08:00

The Big J is #3-

M's tap teacher, Mrs. Kelly, Arthur Duncan, M, and Mrs. Kim :-)- so neat to have a TAP experience!!

It's been awhile ... but so much has happened! It seems likes days turn into weeks, and weeks into months!

M had an amazing opportunity to dance with Arthur Duncan last weekend. She loved it, and he was SO AMAZING with the dancers!

B has had a terrible bug- she is just getting back to normal :-) It was great to be off Monday and let her just absorb fresh air and sunshine (80 degrees) all day!

The little j has been busy too! I can't believe how big he is from when he first came! I also can't believe it has almost been 2 years! God had such a perfect plan for him and I am so thankful I am able to be his momma!

The BIG J is on a game winning streak with the Wolfpack! We have advanced, and advanced in district playoffs and because of our division seed we have had the LUXURY of playing ALL of our games at home! God knew what he was doing there too! I prayed for two boys, and GOD sure delivered them to us!!

While I am finding that it is true.. whatever I can imagine God has so much more in store for me! I continue to be amazed by his DAILY blessings!!

I think today the kids figured we have about 68 days of school left! That is really just a blink in the realm of time! I am ready for a travel free summer! Well, except for my DC Patrol Trip, Camp, and a few basketball tournaments!!

Just dropping a line..

2011-01-18T20:52:00.000-08:00

to say 2011 has been awesome in the most fantastic way!!

Lots of basketball- GO WOLFPACK 15-2 - and 1st place in Districts :-)

Lots of dance - M and B did a great job in Orlando two weekends ago! When I tell you M has legs that look like the Rockettes I am NOT kidding you!! It is amazing to watch her dance! And B - is just as impressive! So proud of both of them!

The little j is growing and talking about his "birthday party" even though it is still 4 months away! He has been watching Sprout and if they sing HB 5 times a day, they sing it 20!! Right now he wants RED cupcakes - but that will change...

School is flying by again! Second nine weeks ends I think Thursday! Hard to believe only 90 days left for the kiddos and SUMMER TIME IS HERE AGAIN!!

God's got BIG STUFF working on the horizon for the ROWAN'S and we are READY for the RIDE!!!

Be blessed!

The tree party

2010-12-27T20:42:00.000-08:00

This was the first year that the Little J wanted "lots" to do with the front end decorating.

dancing, dancing, dancing,.... always dancing!

on facebook, -- what are you doing????

I love this MOMMY!!!

still dancing to the tree!

M showing how tall she has gotten- far surpasses me in height now! Which means she DOES NOT fit in my shoes (flip flops :-) ))))))

It was a festive decorating party!

Remembering ornaments of the past!

and trying to teach the little J to hand the plastic ornament at the bottom! leave the glass ones to the big folks!

That is certainly NOT his sports pose... He has been watching way too many dance ending poses!

The Little J was so excited about Christmas this year. He just loved our tree, well his tree. The first night we put it up, he asked if we could move it into his room when he went to bed. He loves to have his picture taken- he will even come get me now to take pictures of his "really cool stuff."

The Crew :-)We all loved that tree- I think the lights were on for 33 days straight- but I did take it down Sunday. It really bothers my asthma. I think next year it may be an artificial one, but I do love a live tree. I don't know how the kids would react to a boxed tree.

It has been so cold here these last few days! Way down in the 20's at night and only up in the 50's during the day.. however, I did hear by the end of the week it will be in the 70's again! I just love this cold weather. I get to bundle the kids up in layered clothes and sweaters. Hopefully January and February will bring a few cold weeks as well.

Derek sent his first travel ball email out today. Hard to believe that it is that time already. We are all home again this week and it was so nice today. Everybody slept in until almost 10 :-)

Tomorrow we are going to start cleaning closets and drawers, kind of like a metaphor for life. I'll have to post a picture of all the stuff we plan on purging! Just way too much STUFF!! I could probably supply a small village in Africa with our over stuffed house!

Hope you enjoy the last week of 2010!

The Coldest Day in November:-)

2010-12-26T07:21:00.000-08:00

But what a great day to chase the birds away!! and how about these jumps!

The Grand baby and His Parents!

All the Kids!

Sisters!

Sisters and baby brother!

The Girls!

The Big J- ready for basketball season to start!

The Coach and the Player

The Boys...

Trading Spaces ....

Dad and the girls....

The grand baby and the family

Mom and the boys....

The small one and the BIG ONE

We had a great time with Terri over in Memorial Park! The wind was crazy that day, and out of the blue this very COLD snap came in- but what fun we had!

Today it is cold here! We even had quite a few snow flurries at church this morning! It was fun to watch the kids get excited about Snow flurries in the South!! Of course nothing stuck or turned to ice, but it sure was fun to see!

Now if our football team can pull it off this afternoon it will be a GREAT day!!

Bundle up, 'cause it's cold OUTSIDE!!!

Merry, Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T20:36:00.000-08:00

The Little J and B

It is hard to believe that it is the night of Christmas…. After a full day with friends, family, and lots and lots of food the house is finally quiet! The Little J is in his room playing with his new basketball hoop, M is reading a book and playing with her new camera, B is reading a book and watching a Christmas movie (serious multi-tasker there!) and the Big J is over at his Aunt’s house. Derek and I have put away all the food, dishes, and holiday splendor and we are just amazed at how far we have come this year. And we eagerly look forward to the coming year with great anticipation of good things yet to come!
We took some time off – really just a break from the outside world this last month to kind of process everything that has gone on. In reality November was probably the WORST month of 2010 for us. We had a huge medical scare, we ended an 18 month battle with a one-woman IDIOT, I watched as a childhood friend battled cancer in her last days, and there were lots of changes (not for the good) at my school. And through it all the one verse that kept running through my mind was “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” {Jeremiah 29:11} And that to me really summed up how we have made it as far as we have. Knowing that He knows what is best for our family and having the faith to accept his will in allowing us to move forward when things don’t go our way.
And my job allows me to have really a LOT of time off during the year, and this year Derek has managed to either be off with us, or work from home and it has been great for our family. To just be able to sit back, talk, play, and laugh as a family (and oh yeah.- attend the Big J’s Christmas Tournament!). We have had so much fun this last week there were several days that we did not even realize what day it was, and Thursday I was talking to someone about our Christmas Eve dinner, and I didn’t even realize it was the next day!! It was classic! God really allowed us to just get lost in our family and it has been pure joy!!
Today, when all of our friends’ kids were up and opening gifts ours were snoozing away! I finally woke them up at 8:45 so they would have time to open their gifts and shower before our company started arriving. And this being the Little J’s first real experience with the concept of Christmas—to say he was amazed was an understatement. When Derek carried him out, and he saw our tree with all the presents he was just SPEECHLESS! He just threw his little hands up in the air and was shocked that gifts were actually left at our tree! And then he just said “all of these?? But why???” he was so amazed that Santa actually came because he was a good boy this year! It was the cutest thing ever! And I thought I wonder if we bring him as much joy as he brings to us? I wonder if he knows how God picked up to be his parents to fill a longing that was so deep inside us? And as I have watched him grow these last six months and listen to how he talks to us—I know that he is full of just as much adoration for us as we are to him! When he says to me.. Mommy I love you as big as the sky.. or Mommy I like you the mostest! He just melts my heart! And I think – our family has been blessed!
The girls have had a lazy break to say the least! Lots of winter reading and catching up on some much needed sleep! One thing that Derek and I both said last week was WOW!! It is so NICE that all of our kids LOVE to sleep in! I don’t think we were up before nine one day last week! And if we keep at it, I think we will try the same next week!
Check out the Big J’s season over at www.jaxnets.blogspot.com He is having a great 10th grade year! The Pack is 7-1 this year—only losing to Ocala Forest on 12/18. And that is comical there, because just a few short weeks before that game we said we would NEVER go back to Ocala, and then lo and behold God’s sense of humor sent us right back over!! Never say never I guess was that lesson!
This next week we are going to clean some closets, purge some extra stuff and enjoy being a family that has been and continues to be BLESSED beyond measure. My goal this next year is to really trust God with situations that arise in my life. To let him be the driver so to speak and not worry about things out of my control- to be content with what I have been given and to trust Him more to work out those small details! I am excited about a new Bible Study, and I am confident that HE picked it just for ME!!
I will post some pictures of the kiddos in the coming week, and I am going to try and be more diligent with the BLOG!! I just needed some time to work out a few issues HAHA!!
Enjoy your night!
Tonya

It's Official.... He's Back

2010-11-26T05:58:00.000-08:00

Peppermint -Fresh off the Santa Express.....

B's first words... I'm sorry Little J for yelling at you....

The Little J's first words.... So... I will be nice now!

Gotta love the power of an Elf!

A Tale of Siblings

2010-11-25T04:55:00.000-08:00

The Players-
Derek and Tonya - parents
Shameka and Louis - birth parents
Betty Edwards - DCF Client Relations
Mal and MaryEtta - The Devereux Organization
Debra (Debbie) Wise - Kids Central
Angela Juaristic, Maryann Highsmith, Lynn Ogletree, Bambi Moore, Aquanna Covington, James Grant - The Centers

Setting: Lillian B Community Center

Tuesday, Derek and I traveled to Ocala to have a meeting similar to a Family Team Meeting. In a family team meeting everyone comes together to work for the best interest of kids. These entire last 18 months have really been about 3 little boys. We went with the understanding that sibling visitation would increase over the next few weeks, so that the boys could be moved together for permanency. Shameaka has been excluded from participating with her boys because of yet another romp with drugs back in May. And that relapse she has only The Centers to blame. In their quest to keep the siblings separated they did everything they could to help her EXCEPT work with her spirit- They dressed her up, had her nails and hair done, let her come in and cry to her case worker Aquanna, but never once did they tough love her and provide her with any spiritual resources - Celebrate Recovery, AA, drug therapy- none of that deep needed stuff... The Centers are what we would call surface people... when it comes to doing the right thing- they just aren't going there.
I must say that Derek and I were most impressed with the Devereux Group. The make-up of the two ladies (Mal and MaryEtta) were truly a sign from God. They were probably maybe our age- very spiritual, very kid focused, and very honest. They were professional, and I think really wanted a good outcome from our situation. On a side note- while MaryEtta was the lead facilitator, however 2 other Ladies (Mal and another woman from her agency) came because in our minds this case is so OUT OF CONTROL!!!
It was good to see Betty Edwards again. I can truly say that she is the kind of DCF worker I want working for kids. She is fair, she is balanced, she is a thinker- She is really what got us through this ordeal over the last year. From her first call back to us in November of last year until now, she has been steadfast in her attention to our plight for the little J and his siblings-
From the Centers, it was only Angela and Jim. Derek and I both like Jim. We will just say that up front. He has been nothing but polite to us, good with the kids, and a decent person to talk to. Now Angela, - not so much. From my first encounter with her she truly ranks up there with some of the nastiest people I have ever met! Think high school mean girl behavior- Just nasty- Case in point - we set ground rules about how we are going to conduct the meeting, - she starts and verbally in front of everyone attacks my character... you know- I wanted to throw the penalty flag and put her in the corner but I kind of set back and thought... Go ahead... finally let's let everyone see how you really feel about the Rowans, about me especially. And Angela should have been given an Oscar- she the entire 2 hours acted like a complete fool-- with the exception of frothing at the mouth she was just as rude, belligerent, and ugly as she had been since my first meeting with her. My husband has never really dealt with the people side of this- he has been the supporter- the behind the scenes guy for me where I could tell him what was going on and he would give guidance for the next step. I think at one point I was concerned that he was going to "get out of his seat" and show them that he contrary to their earlier popular belief was really black! (and that has been a running joke with Derek and I for the last 18 months!)
But my point with that is.. it never changed ... in The Centers eyes, as Angela so frothy said "We never considered you"
Now when we were asked to respond, Derek immediately stepped up and said "No, I will respond to that ...." and from there as always it was just a show.. we probably could have sold tickets, popcorn, and drinks... when you deal with ignorant people as Angela clearly is, there is no hope. Like I tell my self all the time... you can't argue with a drunk- and that describes her personality to a tee-
You know things run through your mind when your emotions are stripped raw- and at one point I thought.... how did we get here? and then Debbie finally clears it all up....she says.. "You know what.. we made a mistake, we didn't call you- we didn't do our part"- Wow 18 months later you admit you messed up and now a sibling group will suffer. But you don't say your sorry - You say instead "I'm sorry for what your going through.... instead of ... we will make this right for those brothers"
I think the worst part of this process has been for us, is that they have been operating in cover-up mode from the very beginning. They have never been able to see past their fear of their own mistake....And they have always painted us to be this "irrational family from Jacksonville trying to "steal" these kids! Which I just have to laugh.
At one point Angela again goes off on this tirade that I have this secret information ... it's all I can do not to laugh. Clearly she has not knowledge of FULL disclosure-- but we all need to be able to have some humor sometime and for me it is how crazy this makes her. When she talks about this "secret" information that I have she almost turns red- I mean it is really eating her up that she thinks we have this "secret" information- and to my own humor I finally asked her ... since I already have this "secret" information can you please share with the rest of the table what it is... I just couldn't resist.. and of course she is not allowed to share with anyone this "secret" information but the thought that I know this "secret" drives her crazy... and to that I say HA! If that's the only thing that gets your goat... keep thinking that.. as I said before CRIMINAL RECORDS, court proceedings, street corner jobs-- that is all out there for public view.. heck we can all drive through the hood and observe the family in their daily interactions... don't you smoke crack with your mom? And I am being sarcastic here... but that little "secret" in Derek and my mind has prevented her from moving forward one bit... and truth be told... my "secret" that I will now share with all of you is ..... I don't know what the secret is! LOL
Like I have always said-- statistics don't lie...
* the outcome for kids in care is not good- high drop-out rates, high illiteracy rates, high juvenile justice rates, high rates of incarceration, high rates of mental illness, and the list of bad things go on and on....
* you have 2 little black boys that are going to be raised without a mother and father by an elder great aunt??? really... professionals (and I use the word professional very sarcastic here) sat around a table and thought this would be in the best interest of these boys.. in 2 years, in 5 years, in 10 years, in 20 years.... No, like I have said before.. the termination of parental rights did not occur because they would have lost their battle with us- The little J would have had his siblings immediately-

I still think it's funny that the Centers were asked to have a meeting (per DCF) to increase unsupervised visitation, to move toward extended visits and to possibly review what is in the best interest of this sibling group... I got the memo, DCF got the memo... but as usual the Centers did not- From the very beginning they opened the meeting as they always do with "we are sending the boys to Alabama for good December 17- so we want to offer you as many visits (SUPERVISED) as possible.... and sometimes you just have to bite your tongue because at that point I wanted to say &#&@(&#(@&#(#&$(--- but contrary to popular NON-secretive belief I will not enter the gutter with you-- there is nothing good below your knees --- NOTHING, and I think everyone there saw how we had been treated over this 18 month ordeal....

You know sometimes you just have to step back and say... "You know God, I can't do this anymore. We have 4 kids that we are raising and this is just really affecting us emotionally. We have fought the good fight. We have done everything we can so that when the little J asks us we can go back and show him what really happened..." Is it the right thing to do- for us it is. We can't subject our family to drama that could damage our kids in the end. Tuesday was a rough day- but it only lasted for a day! God is good to the Rowan's - there is a promise of good things for us, more than we can ever imagine and that is what we believe. I can honestly say God has control of this HOT MESS!

Now, I will give you some comical highlights that Derek and I have chuckled about for the last 2 days.... and this is really an attempt to make a horrible situation light- You know Derek and I have been together for 18 years.. so we are very in tune to each other-- to what can make a terrible situation comical-- call it coping, call it immature, whatever.. it's the things that when you leave- you just think did I just sit through this?? and it's the highlights that make our friends shake their heads the most and tell us "y'all are just wrong!" but like we say... it's better than the alternative---

* We met in a neutral place- and it was a very nice rec center... and you know when you talk about rec centers they are for the most part AWESOME.... great activities for kids.. however
as you may or may not know.. most rec centers are in areas that need them the most-- not where the YMCA or JCA's are.. but really in very poor, run down, lost hope type of neighborhoods... and we are very familiar with that because a lot of our travel games are played in centers just like this, and a lot of our kids live in "these" neighborhoods... BUT we kind of laughed when we drove in.. there were some very questionable people in the woods, in the fields, and on the streets... it was sad really, but my husband cracks the joke.. "Oh, so is this part of the plan to unnerve us?''... I had to laugh- You bring us to the very place that you are sending those siblings and you yourself probably drive through here with the biggest amount of distaste... what are you calling these people under your breath.....

* Apparently I in the past have referred to the parents as "scumbags" - will not say that I haven't said that, but in that meeting, if Angela said that I called them scumbags once.. she must have said it a thousand times... it became her mantra "well she said scumbags..." Well you know what.. I stand by that comment... anyone that smokes crack, sells their body, steals, holds people hostage, doesn't seek professional help ... yeah that's pretty much what I think. And I have met Shameaka.. she is a year younger than are oldest daughter- and she has a serious disease- her entire family is addicted to drugs - did she ever have a chance? where was dcf when she was getting into trouble at 14, 15, 16.. dropping out of school- and let's talk about the first time she was arrested, or had her first baby removed in 2005- who failed her??? So while I refer to that behavior as scumbag my heart breaks for families that don't know Christ, that have addiction rampant... I mean I have never smoked crack with my mom- and I just don't get that life style. And the very people that could help her, that manage her case plan- let her down. Did they ever scoop her up- let her stay with them. provide a spiritual base for her? Did Aquanna help her? No, she made her pretty for court- but left her soul on the street- It's disgusting.. the very agency that took her kids failed her as a child, as a young mother, and as a client!
*Debbie Wise says to my husband "I'm sure your familiar with the judicial process" - I almost fell on the ground laughing.... To which my husband replies... No, I'm not-- I've never been arrested, and I don't plan on it...." which cracks us up because now our guess is since they consider him "black" and therefore assume that he knows all about the judicial process... You know we have had a blast with that one.... Like I have said the entire time.. his lack of blackness has been our downfall from the start... and you know when things don't go right for the last 18 months we have both said "I guess it's because your not black enough!"

* Jim Grant says... "Oh yeah.. there are people in my own family that I would not let my kids go around.. you just know that it's not good" to which Derek says... But your sending two little boys into a situation that is not good... unbelievable... Makes you just kind of sit back and think WOW--

* The best part for me .. or the one item that causes me to chuckle the most (other than the secretive information) was ..... 4 inch pastel pink heels worn by our very own Angela ... and my girlfriends will know.. more than anything... I despise those hooker heels... and you can imagine how I rolled my eyes.. and whispered to Derek and just sat there the entire meeting staring at those shoes... I mean really it is something that drives me crazy.. and here we are at a "family meeting" and you show up in a very nice pink sweater set, an appropriate gray skirt- NO STOCKINGS and pink hooker heels... have you no friends Angela... really... that is a big NO-NO.... or at least in the circles in which I run... you know "the secretive, non-drugging, non-drama, family oriented, PhD ones.... "

So while we work to put these last 18 months behind us I will leave you with this final thought... it's one I have gone back to and one I have shared with many of you before....

When Derek and I decided to adopt (something that we said we would do all those years ago) we said - 2 boys between the ages of 2 and 6- and God gave us just that - he had already given us one... we just didn't see it yet- that one just happened to be at the high end of the age requirement (15) and the other he gave just happened to be at the youngest age (2)! As I told the Big J last night... God knows what our soul needs at just the right time and the joy that both Jap and Jack have brought to us and our girls have been amazing. And the lessons that our kids learn from our actions speak volumes for who we are-

Derek and I will continue to be passionate about the kids that He brings to us... We have always believed that reaching back, setting the example, and showing the faith, is the only way that our youth who need it most will succeed. We have been involved with "those" kids for most of our adult life- and the success that we are able to bring and share will continue. And, by some small miracle whether it be an act, a word, a kind deed, a road trip for basketball that makes that child feel like someone loves and cares for them- then for us it was all worth it.

We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your support, prayers, kind words, and humor through this entire ordeal! While we are letting go we firmly believe that God will continue to work His goodness in all those who were involved.

One group that was silent in the end process was the Guardians. Marsha Hilty sent our attorney a letter and asked us not to contact them- To Jan, Sue, and Christina- we don't blame you for remaining silent in the process. We understand the political arena in which you work. We are sorry that kids will not have the future you sought us to provide.

Have a great Thanksgiving! I'll post pictures of our feast later! It is sure to be a hoot- or a gobble!

But these things I plan won't happen right away.

Slowly, Steadily, Surely,

the time approaches when the vision

will be fulfilled.

If it seems slow be patient!

For it will not be late by a single day.

Habakkuk 2:3

Surely Goodness and Mercy will follow me...

2010-11-24T08:23:00.000-08:00

all the days of our life! Yeah.. Christmas cards are ordered!

So glad it's basketball... that is the big j in the red... (who by the way posts on my fb last night... I love youuuuuuu!- your j) he's working that upcoming car gift isn't he!!

Yeah we made it to the Thanksgiving break! God is good-

While I know many of you are anxiously awaiting that great outcome- it didn't happen, and at this point we are done. You know the struggles - and yesterday they ended. The little J's siblings will be leaving for Alabama December 17th - and our visit on the 12th will have been their last.

You know even in this bitter circumstance I have some jokes to crack-- but things must be done today that don't allow for that. But I promise that tonight after everyone is settled I will give you the play by play (with humor added) - Just makes it easier that way. It is still very tragic but we can't dwell on the could of, should or or would of around here. The last tears were cried, and joy has come this morning! God is still in control of this situation.

I have an amazing husband, amazing kids, an amazing grandson, amazing family and the best friends ever!!

So... go about your day and get ready for a good read tomorrow!

As B would say-

Peace out Home Scout!!

PS--- just to leave you hanging... think 4 inch pink pastel heels LOL.....

Light, Light, Light up the Sky!

2010-11-12T16:40:00.000-08:00

My new favorite song :-)

So October flew by- and now we are at the middle of November. It is finally getting cold! We have had our A/C off for the last six days- I think that is a record! We are gearing up for a big Thanksgiving at home, and then a great Christmas Season.

We have, as always, been busy and I think that helps sometimes. It is hard to believe that we are almost at the 1/2 way part of the second nine weeks! The Big J is turning 17 and getting a car! I don't know if I can wait either! That will be one less taxi driver I have to be! Although, the other day the Big J did say "I sure am going to miss you driving me around"- LOL!! to which I said, I can't wait to give you a driving / pick-up to-do list!

Doesn't this look like a senior picture? LOL- he is only a Sophomore, and this is our family photographer! But man, can she take great pictures!!

All the kids-

the player and the coach-

waiting for pictures.. and trying to say warm!

It was Christmas picture time in the park.. it just happened to be the coldest day yet! New Wolfson basketball gear! -

Chasing pigeons at the park in Riverside.

Last game of the season- WOO-HOO! No more Friday night lights :-( but, we're playing basketball! Even the little J is getting to try out basketball this year!

A winning smile, and a final game :-) Basketball starts Tuesday and I CAN'T WAIT!!!

so what do these two have in common? hmmmm.....

finally- a dinner guest with a smile!

Big Brother, Little Brother

Motion... Motion.... Motion -

Look who's 2!

Look who is turning 6 soon!

He looks just like the Little J when he was 2! It was like playing with the little J all over again.

Who me-- the little J's little brother...

Brothers - can we please stay together?

"It is futile to try and understand the reasoning behind our suffering as the book of Job teaches us. It is enough to know that God is in control, and that he is our refuge and strength in times of trouble. Like Job, we need to learn that God is not bound by our understanding or by our lack of it. His is free and subject to no will but His own. He does not owe us an explanation for His actions"- George W. Knight

It seems like so much sad news is being passed in my inner circle- and it is hard sometimes to understand that this is just temporal- The battles one of my friends is facing right now, seems daunting, and final. It makes me sad, - my heart breaks for her family as they watch their loved one in the fight of her life. It just seems so unfair at times that God's will takes away some of our best- and yet the reward of Heaven far surpasses anything here. When I talk to her she seems defeated, and yet she knows that God is waiting for her-

The struggles here sometimes can paralyze us. They seem so daunting- and yet at those times I feel that all our doubts magnify and Satan just pounces. It is hard to stay above water, and yet God is right there. When I was driving home the other day I thought man.. why am I struggling so- God is right there- waiting to take my hand, carry me if need be, and yet I chose to go it alone- It is a constant battle of the flesh- to honestly just trust him- and yet I think so many things he could fix in the snap of a finger- and really- the truth of that is that his ways and timing are perfect.

And then I look at the last 18 months we have been through. And it has been a long 18 months- and it continues. And more obstacles have been thrown in and yet we continue to have hope. We are steadfast in our efforts to reunite the little J and his siblings. The State of Florida's statues seem to agree- it is now just the movement that we are waiting on. It seems that we are making another turn for the good- and we remain hopeful that the Little J and his siblings will be reunited by the end of the year. It has been a process. But God is good, and the case is seeming to work itself out. We hate the fact that 2 little boys have been in foster care for 2 years when they have a home- The most frustrating part for us, seems to be that people who are supposed to protect children will not make a stand. We don't know if it's job security or just easier, but to us and the little J's siblings it is just plain frustrating. I will say that we have had an angel that has remained faithful to the Little J and his siblings since she became aware of the case. She has remained focused on doing what is right "by the brothers" and we thank God for her everyday. We know that God will work this out for the good of all three brothers.

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart

and with the full assurance faith brings,

having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience

and having our bodies washed with pure water.

Let us hold unswervingly to the

hope we profess,

for He who promised is

FAITHFUL.

Hebrews 10:22-23

Can't wait to put on Christmas music- but I will wait until the day after Thanksgiving!

Enjoy!

A Happy Picture Post!

2010-10-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

Baby L- 7 months! A chunky monkey to say the least. We cannot wait to see what he thinks about the holidays!

The Big J catching kick-off punt return! He has had two great games back to back! He won the Army Iron Man Award for Florida last week! It was really exciting! I will post some more pictures after Monday with his big surprise!!

The new wolf mascot! The Little J thought he was "scary" but he loves the other one! This one has "big teeth" that will bite you!

M and the Little J- M left at half-time and helped me in the concession stand. That was REALLY nice I tell you! And then B came during the 4th quarter! It was a lot of fun for them. Funny what you like as a kid.

Working hard!!! The college letters are rolling in :-) Oh the places he can go! The little J playing exploring!

It was a big day outside today! There were lots of things visiting the yard.

This little butterfly hung around pretty much all afternoon.

Playing ....

outside all day on this crisp clear day!!

We even put up the bounce house!!

And then an interesting swarm of bees came! And fed for about fifteen minutes, and then they were off!

This was so neat!

B, the Little J and I spent a good part of Saturday afternoon in our front yard watching the big Air Show! The Blue Angels were awesome! A little loud for the Little J but he still loved to see them!

One thing nice about watching from our driveway is that when the rain finally came (and did it ever come) we could just walk right inside!

Watching the air show from the comfort of your front yard- you just can't beat that!

The little J gave B a flower and then just as quick, grabbed it back and stuck it in his mouth.

This is my favorite time of year. The weather change, the holidays and all the activities that come with it. Friday we finished our first nine weeks of school, and Monday is our first planning day. It seems unreal how fast time goes by!

We have settled into our school year routines and will be anticipating two big breaks in the next few weeks! It is hard to believe that in less than 2 1/2 months it will be 2011!

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,

by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:5-7

A Beautiful Night with my Little J!

2010-10-14T19:10:00.000-07:00

The Little J and I went to a football game tonight to see some of my former students (now in HS) cheer for the Wolfpack! It was so much fun to watch them- they have grown into amazing young ladies. They were so shocked to see me at a JV game (it is very hard to make 2 games in a row, and Varsity is every Friday usually!) The Little J had a blast! We had a whole section of the stands to our self and he must have gone up and down at least 100 times!

It was a beautiful night! The sky was radiant. I have not been able to watch the sunset in a long time, and it just gave me such a feeling of hope and peace. It was perfect.

Finally... whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Philippians 4:8 Peace is the result of choosing to focus your mind on what is true and honorable and right. When you choose to do that, it is amazing how much peace will overtake your mind and heart. - Jan Silvious (Big Girls Don't Whine)

Quick picture post!

2010-10-12T16:39:00.001-07:00

The little J waiting on the table! He loves the doctor's office! He just has so much fun there- likes the office, the people, the books- So glad that he is calm there!!!

M waiting her turn- right eye = not good! Bad allergies had it brown and swollen! Just drops and she will be back to normal!

We always draw on the white paper to pass the time while waiting for our doctor- (who by the way is super fantastic!) - anyway we had a yellow highlighter that Dr. W pulled out a black light and showed us how it glowed! It was way cool! We spent 2 hours with her yesterday between all three kids and she is so great with all of us! She even said, if I didn't know, I wouldn't know that the little J wasn't always with you guys! What an awesome testament to what God has done for our family- perfectly blended!

This is what happens to the little J when he agrees to play "dress-up" with B! I am sure he will not appreciate this picture later, but it was very difficult to get this costume off! Not sure what B was thinking! But the little J does love all that dance "junk"! Don't worry he recovered to basketball shorts and a t-shirt just in time to go outside and play some ball!

M at her desk (texting) before dance! She is getting way too tall! I think she is at least 5'3 today. It is amazing that she is now taller than me.

It has started out as a busy "doubt" free week! We have been busy and it is only Tuesday- Took the little kids to the doctor yesterday- they all left with at least 2 prescriptions, some had 3! Just asthma, sinus and skin stuff! The Doctor said they should all feel "like new" in about 14 days!

The Big J is participating in Homecoming Week, so it has been ~~kind of~~ hectic around here!

Walk by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7

If we do not trust that God is good-- that he is in control all the time, no matter what is going on; that whatever we pour out in his name, he will pour back and more into our spirits-- we live lesser lives. We know intrinsically that we were created for more. - Sheila Walsh

It will not be late by a single day-

2010-10-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

But these things I plan won't happen right away,

Slowly, Steadily, Surely, the time approaches

when the vision will be fulfilled.

If it seems slow,be patient!

For it will surely take place.

It will not be late by a single day.

Habakkuk 2:3

M all smiles!

Getting ready to dance!

Friends playing around before dance!

Work it girls!

Tutu's anyone??

After a LONG day of dancing and performing M would not show her face!!!

After a day of dancing and performing, B was still ready to go...

All smiles!

B ready for Day 2!

A beautiful wedding on 10-10-10~

L and I enjoying the wedding!

The weekends go by so fast! It's off to school we go!!! Ready for the holiday breaks coming up!

Doubt Free - Day 5

2010-10-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

It's an amazing feeling to LIVE, really LIVE DOUBT FREE! It changes your frame of reference, which allows you not to worry- I have received some nice blessings this week, and I know they are a result of not doubting and letting God just work through it for me! What a blessing that is- who would have through it would have been so easy! Of course I must say that I read / say James 1:2-8 about 50 times a day- but hey.. my mind is training itself.. whenever that easy feeling starts.. I just start with "Consider is pure joy.." and it really re-frames your thinking-B was my buddy at the Ortho office yesterday. We were able to get all her homework done, read a few magazines, and look at some interesting pictures of hands! I will still have my cast for the next four months, (and that didn't even bother me!) and B is my new "reminder" of what I should and should not be doing with my right arm! HAHA- A side benefit of taking her with me! She is a sharp one the B!

In a nutshell.. is has been a great week! Just thought I would share that I am no longer "a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."!

Good pics coming- the girls have dance all weekend (in costumes and MAKE-UP!)

I Got It-

2010-10-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

#3 at it again! He is all over the field this year-- I know, I should learn the positions, but HEY... basketball is right around the corner!
Friday Night Lights!

I have a picture of him like this last year too! He really loves to "hang" on this fence and watch the games.
B has really grown in her academics this year- she even told us she needed a desk! She is working hard in 3rd grade! M has a desk this year too! I think that drove B to think she needed one to! It has made homework much more pleasant-
No pics of M this post... don't know where she has been.. oh yeah.. AT DANCE!!!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

James 1:2-8

WOW- that is the ton of bricks kind of scripture that you need to hear sometimes. Consider it pure joy... whenever you face trials. Really.. that is certainly not the first word I would use to describe the last 17 months. Frustrated, angry, despair, confusion, those are more along the common words that pop into my mind regarding our State adoption disaster and other various random events that have pounded what we don't have into our lives these last 17 months. I would not in a million of years ever described dealing with that as pure joy- pure and sheer distaste is more of the lines I have thought. However, after reading this, I have to reflect on the angels that have so perfectly showed up when I have felt at my lowest- The perfect words that have been given at those times are priceless. They have lifted my heavy and sometimes broken heart. They have spoken to my soul. They have provided the ever needed charge to pick my self up and continue the battle.

"but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown about and tossed by the wind." - That is hard to swallow, because doubt has guided so much of this past 17 months. It has crowded and made me feel insecure more times than I would like to admit. It has beaten us up, it has worn us out, and it has made us question everything that we have been given and everything that has happened. We have not been faithful in believing that God will win in this situation. We have not been faithful in believing that he hears us, and that he understands our prayers. The feeling of being tossed in the wind speaks volumes to how I feel. Sometimes I haven't known if we were moving forward or backward, and I have doubted many times that this would be resolved in a positive manner for us. I have given this situation to the Lord so many times only to take it back. Why? Who knows, some of it is my need to control, to plan, and to know- while at other times, I have felt that no one is listening- no one is moving- no one is doing anything that is in the best interest of those boys. I have heard so many times, the wheels of justice are slow to turn- I know that to be true. But really, if I stop and think about it- I don't need to know- I need to have that mustard seed of faith that God hears our prayers, that he knows our hearts, that he knows how we want that family- and I need to trust that he knows the perfect timing and the perfect will for all situations.

It is easy to get down. It is easy not to see the good that has happened, and it is easy to see what has not happened. I am sure that God frowns when I get like this- it is a dark place- and yet- I know in the depths of my soul that he has us- he is in control, and he has our needs met far greater than we could ever imagine. But- it is that doubt that ever so slightly creeps in and begins to crumble the shell-- and then throw in a little bit of chaos, a little bit of bad news, an unpleasant circumstance and just like that it becomes dark again- The joy is gone, and replaced with doubt, fear, and anger. That is the ugly truth.

I am really not a fan of tattoos- can't stand them actually- but just for once I was considering maybe having James 1:2-8 tattooed on the top of my right arm - so that it was always there, always present- always there to face me when that first shred of doubt came knocking. Instead, I have printed it and will keep it with me- I am going to memorize it to, so that it becomes automatic during any trial to train my mind to go there.. "consider it pure joy"- wow- how that should change my mind mood immediately.

" That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." - Got it, point taken, - not much to argue with that except to say GOT IT- Clear- We are on the runway with that one. I have never actually described myself as unstable, but have felt unwell many times- And I am sure it is just semantics with me unstable / unwell same thing really. Not able to focus, distressed, irrational.. those words / feelings seem close - In fact until today I could say they were right there hanging on- pulling me down even further.

Sometimes God has a way of knocking you right in the head- Yes, I have asked, yes I have prayed, yes I have been strong- but more than any of this I have doubted this process the entire time. I have not had the wisdom to not be double-minded.. because no matter how good I have felt at times, that doubt has always managed to creep right back in and build. It is a terrible feeling- It may be related to my (terrible) desire to control- but it is unhealthy- it makes you unstable.

So - I have been asking for the wisdom all along.. and now I will see what true wisdom is when doubt is completely removed. There is not anything that my family needs that God will not provide. We have all prayed for those boys- we have all prayed about the circumstance- it is not our burden to carry- God has it from here! We are ready when his timing is perfect.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..

Casting Crowns - Who Am I

Quick Trips!

2010-09-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

Friday night was the first game I missed of the Big J's high school career- It was an adjustment for both of us! We will be back on this Friday... AND.....our basketball schedule is out and we have some great games scheduled this year! Three on the weekend.. can't get any better than that!

All wrapped up - getting ready for his day!

B was reading the entire weekend (well when she wasn't playing with her cousins!) She has finally started to enjoy longer chapter books. Amazing what the words of a teacher can do for a child!

This isn't what I had planned for the baseball game, but man did the little J have some fun!

Yes, he was playing in the dirt with the garbage can behind him.. at one point he was drawing circles (with his finger) around the garbage can! It was extreme gross for me! I almost purchased bottle water to pour on him before he got in my car! He was baseball dirt color from head to toe! He turned his bath water orange, and that dirt was EVERYWHERE!!!

The little J's version of the party was to eat his cupcake in layers, thus adding about 4 layers of icing! And the color did not matter- we just needed icing and blue sprinkles!

Who would have thought - a cupcake party! This was so neat- my sister-in-law was having a party and this was one of the activities for the kids! This was our "dry" run and they loved it!!

Making a run for it in the rain! The little J did so well on this trip! It helped that it was just over 6 hours, and he took a great nap there and home Sunday. His movies were an added plus too!

We took a quick trip (pictures above) to NC last weekend- Derek had a conference and the kids and I had a chance to see my brother's family! What a blast we had. I could live there too! The weather was beautiful, and it was so much fun watching our kids play together. The M was such a big help- we had 11, 8, 8, 5, 4, and 3! It was so neat to see them "talk" about their lives and play together. I even let the little J get in the dirt at the ballpark. I thought I was going to crawl out of my skin (it was so gross) but everyone else was in the dirt as well! The little J was so happy- at one point he laid down and rolled in it-- that of course (if you know me) had to stop! All I could think was RINGWORM=RINGWORM=RINGWORM!!!! Working in a school kind of does that to you!

Today it actually felt like Fall! We finally have had some rain and things are not so dry! We have a big tropical storm (maybe hurricane) moving up our coast- Should be an interesting Wednesday / Thursday. It is rumored to bring cooler weather for awhile. That would be a welcome relief!

This is my favorite season! I just love the colors of the season, and the promise that comes with the holidays. It is truly my favorite time of year. I can hardly wait to haul the kids to the pumpkin patch for pictures! And then plan for Thanksgiving.. where miracles may be lurking :-)

I am really trying to spend a lot more time in the word and in prayer- I find when I do this I am much more focused, calm, and ready for whatever should come my way. I have kept praying this scripture:

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:5-7

Focus on the good and the negative seems to fade away.. think about the blessings you have been given, and the heartaches fall into the background. I do strive to be better at not worrying, or being resentful about what hasn't happened. And then I know there is a season for everything- and that season will come in God's time, and in God's way.

Until then we will revel in what has been given to us and the promise of what is yet to come!

Four kids, one post

2010-09-23T18:09:00.000-07:00

The Big J getting ready to take M and B to dance! He is so busy with football right now we hardly see him around here. You would think he is getting a paycheck HAHA! He is having a great season (making the paper) and getting some good reviews. I am happy for him, but can't wait until basketball season!!

Little J and B- who did not want her picture taken! On her way to dance! She has gotten so funny! I mean her little personality WAY takes over her little self! 3rd grade has been a great year for her, and she has the most positive teacher- which makes it all the more fun!

M going to dance! She is a busy kid this year- dance 4 nights a week and every other weekend! She is working so hard, and you can tell when you see her dance! I am so proud of her.

Homeschooling is going well- I actually like it, and so does M which is the most important. She has a great group of virtual teachers, and Derek is really liking being able to help her out. They have even had some "working" dinners after dance on Wednesdays and some conference calls during the day! I can't say enough about how great her teachers are! I may try to become "virtual" myself :-)

We are finally seeing some cool weather (NOT)! But a girl can dream. Today at recess the sun was actually behind the clouds and a cool breeze was blowing- not to cool, but a breeze in the 80's I will take! It is supposed to rain all weekend, so maybe some cool weather will come in for a few days behind the rain. It has just been so HOT this year!

It feels like sometimes we have been in a waiting game for 15 months- and then at times, it doesn't seem that long. However, whenever we have to "for real deal with it" it seems so overwhelming and unfair. And yet, this week I came across this bible verse "Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him." Romans 12:2

And I think- I have been given so much, and yet there are two things that I still want more than ever, and at times, it seems to consume me, to almost completely overwhelm me- I don't even know how to explain it anymore, except to say that when I allow myself to think about it, it makes me so very sad, and then angry. And then I think- all that I have been given seems to fade away in that moment, and yet what has been given to me is the very thing that gets me up everyday. And yet, I am so overjoyed by the children I do have- I feel guilty for wanting more, and yet, I feel so sad for the two we don't have. Not that I don't think God isn't taking care of them, but that they deserve a chance to have a family. And I just keep praying- Matthew 17:20 Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

I don't feel that I am lacking in faith, - but I do think I am lacking patience in this situation. When Derek and I talk about it, it just seems that Jackson and his siblings have been given the shaft- opportunities have been taken from them, that our State says they have the right to have. And so we continue to wait, and hope for reunification for them- but the waiting is truly the hardest part.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous . Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

It is HOT here!!

2010-09-13T19:00:00.001-07:00

So hot, it took the little j a minute to decide if he was hot enough for the concession stand!

It just doesn't seem right! You walk into the stores and you see lots of Fall decor.. pumpkins, Halloween costumes and decor, brown and gold wreaths, we even saw some Christmas stuff at BJ's.. and it is still 90+ degrees EVERY DAY!! I cannot remember when it was NOT hot! I know it will be Fall here soon, and the weather is sure to change, but it sure would be nice to have a little preview of things to come.

At the Big J's football game Friday it felt like we were literally sitting in a sauna! They had their first win though, he even had a touchdown, and it was a lot of fun.. but oh how I long for cool weather! Even a small breeze would be nice! This Friday he plays out at the beach so I am hoping for a sea breeze to say the least!

More to come... fun week this week!

Family Pics from this summer :-)

2010-09-07T19:24:00.000-07:00

A taste of things to come...... A Family created by GOD!

One of my favorites! The little j could do this all day! If only I could have recorded the laughs! They are so cute!

Sisters being silly!

A perfect example of God answering prayer! What a miracle he is!

20 years and still smiling!

at the end... the water won! he had a blast! then we all went to brunch at the Reef!

So I have this friend that I have had since middle school, and her mom has always been an amazing photographer- and now she is doing this all the time! She is so fun to work with- and she did a great job with my family! Hope you enjoyed a few pics!

I will post more as I weed through our CD!

See... no longer a SLOGGER!

Slacker - one who shirks work???

2010-09-06T16:04:00.000-07:00

Clearly I am not shirking work when I do not update this BLOG!! Surely, NOT!

If I tell you some days I don't even know what day it is, and that lately time has been a huge blur, with days seeming to never end, or end to quickly- that my calendar is almost packed until December .. surely you would not call me a SLACKER??? I mean just because we have turned into a 24 hour laundry mat around here-- I wouldn't necessarily call me a SLACKER! Maybe a Slogger- but surely not a SLACKER! And the fact that I was less than 90% air flow today for awhile because of some asthma problems that stemmed from being sick over a week- (@ Mrs. Plish-- you would have driven me to the hospital yourself if you heard me! Not pretty!- but fixed quickly with a nice steroid shot!) Wonder if I can keep that around the house!

I mean a dear friend stops me after Sunday School yesterday and says to me "I was just talking about Derek and you in Sunday School. (that made me a little nervous HA!) She goes on to say "Your family is such an example of what Christ wants us to be-- WOW!! thanks friend! That humbled me right to my core! I mean she just laid it all out for me.. "Here you are raising this 16 year old boy, you have your girls, you adopt a son, you fight for his brothers, you are a public school teacher and you pull your daughter out to home school because you know what is right!" Almost moved me to tears, thank goodness for dark shades... surely that was my most humbling moment in awhile... and I think...yeah.. that is why I am probably going against traditional logic and really working to serve this awesome God even when the "world" has the tendency to look at us and say "what are you doing?"

And that little talk.. led me right to this scripture-that lays it out perfectly- and that I have fallen back on many times in the past year-

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. - 1 John 3:16-20

I have always wanted to serve- In fact, in some remote way, I have always served- at times more than others, but always in some capacity. I finally have a family that understands what serving is all about. When it becomes you- there is simply no other way. And when that happens, God certainly fills you with everything you could possibly need- and takes away those things that you think you need. I like to call them distractions, friends of the should of, could of, would of gang-

God says to us... "Test me in this... and see if I will not... pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it" Malachi 3:10

We are a testament to that verse. A blessing is not always financial- it is not always getting what you want, but those blessing come so fast in a day that at times it is hard to count! We see them so clearly now.. and I believe it helps us serve more!

So.. in fast whirlwind pattern of writing- with some logical order, I will attempt to tell you what has been going on for the last few weeks- and then again I will add a paragraph about how I will BLOG more, and sleep even less! HAHA and if you don't follow us on Facebook- that may be part of the reason for less blogging- although I truly like blogging better! This the little J's first home preschool project- maybe I took over a little- but you get the point! That family picture is hanging over our fireplace and for some reason as B says "Is that going in a museum" it's that big! But it is a great pic of us! Takes up the entire wall above the fireplace and has kind of become a joke in the house.. because the guy at Olan Mills gave it to us at such a "Great" discount! Who realized how big 32x42 really is! The Little J loves his new pre-school! He is doing really good- and coming home at 1:00 everyday and crashing until about 3:30 - so we know he is working hard. Things that he likes to do.. play with his Sheriff get-up- he likes to shoot you, arrest you, order you around, etc... play with his trucks.. they end up all over the house in some of the oddest places with loads of treasure! He is playing in his room by himself a little more with his trains and race tracks-- He is such a vision of promise to us! HOO-RAY for the WOLFPACK! 0-2. The Big J is number 3 and playing all over the place- receiver, running back, kick return, and corner back. He is on that field a lot. Derek would like to see him move to Qb, but have no idea where that will go. And I regress... I am such a bad mom when it comes to football.. I just really don't like it that much .. outside anyways... but I do like to watch him play! and that is really what it is all about. Maybe this year I will get serious and learn the game.. HA- Stay tuned for the lively basketball updates that should start in November. He has a really full schedule this year, and every day I hear that schedule includes NO GYM- but I remind him he has gym everyday from 2-5 during football practice! He is off to a rocking start with his grades too! 3 A's on his first three tests! At Open House his teachers really seemed to think he was already working hard and being a leader in the class! Ooohhh.. words a teacher wants to hear! M is now an official HOME SCHOOl Student! I never thought it would work out that way.. but they did not have a spot for her at her middle school in the advanced track- so she is now working through Florida Virtual for core academics- and then we are supplementing with Sonlight and a few other Christian based materials. Again- when you follow God- there is much peace! Here she is working at her new desk- the floor! KIDDING-- seriously do you think I would make her sit on the floor for school? She is actually checking over some 5th grade work for me.. notice the red pen! I think this was our late night where we both stayed up until about 12:00 working on various things. She has become my big night time buddy! Between her three hours a dance each night, she is happy to be where she is! We are happy for her to be where she is, and we feel confident that this is the true plan she is supposed to be on! She is almost as tall as me, and she measures herself daily!

B got new reading glasses! NOT!! She uses her 3D glasses (minus the lens) to complete any school work at home! She is so funny! And she LOVES being my only TK at school this year!! She has front seat, first snack, best dibs on freebies, etc... and she has one of the best 3rd grade teachers! She is really shining this year! She is also dancing a lot- It amazes me how much personality she has.. my nickname for her is dramatica... fits her to the T! Of course, when she found out M was home schooled, she naturally assumed she would be home schooled like her best friend down the street! NOT! she is right where she needs to be- but we will see.

Sometimes, I am learning, that at first we don't see all that we need to see- and that through time God really shows us what we need to see- sometimes if we truly give it to him I think it comes faster, but when you fight with it (give it, take it back, share it, etc.) it takes a little longer- We were having a conversation about the Little J's sibling the other night.. and I was sharing how I was driving to school one morning and God just hit me right in the face with where there was a time I really wasn't ready to be a mom to two more boys- It started when we learned the name of the five-year old. It is still not a name I would have chosen, but on two occasions I have seen him remind people what his real name is- Derek and I call him JQ and he does not mind that, and the little J calls him the second half of his name (probably because he can't developmentally say the first part) and I thought.. I had not respect for his name- I was going to immediately change it, because it was not a name I would have picked, and yet that was the name that God picked for him- and he knows it.. when I started researching it, when a child is older, it is better to leave it as it is, or talk to them about changing it- I am not going to do that- maybe the middle name, but certainly not his first. That is who he is- and I am not going to change the little one's either because that is who the bigger brother knows him as- It is moments like that when I think... yeah.. I need to listen more, stay off the chair, and let God lead more in my life. Some days I feel like we are getting closer, and then others.. it still who knows what is going on... I just pray now instead of getting frustrated! God has the perfect ending for that situation and I just pray for favor and peace about it.

So there it is! In a wrap... the SLOGGER has made good :-) I tore my muscles that wrap my right elbow in June- treated them all summer without an ORTHO- finally went to the Ortho in August and "shredded that muscle" - 6 months to a year in a soft cast- so I am going to blame it on that ... it's a little awkward to say the least- no wrist movement aloud and a little stiff- so.. I have found that when I need to get stuff done, that is the first thing that comes off at home- but I am good, I sleep in it, wear it all day at school, and at home until it is time to cook- it wraps the hand so I don't want it to gross- to prove I wear it, I even have a tan around it! There is no surgery or pt for this injury, so we will see- it's black and i guess will match the upcoming holidays! HA-

Have a great week- I am scratching off my to do list as I wrap this up- In case your wondering I do think some music dropped off my Blog- not sure why, but I will try to add some back this week.

Be in prayer this week that others will come to know and serve him! Pray for our boys- keep them safe and healthy away from HOME-

Enjoy your week!

Off and Running!

2010-08-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

We are off and running on a new school year. It is hard to believe that summer ended, but we have managed to get into the groove of this new year. It is the first time that we have had kids in all school groups- preschool, elementary, middle, and high! Talk about juggling time! Sometimes I feel like a taxi driver! It will be so nice when the Big J can drive himself!

I am blessed with a great class this year. I have wonderful students and families. B is the only one with me, so we are having some fun in the morning- There are no fights over the front seat anymore and that is nice! M catches the bus to our school in the afternoon, so I have a little time to plan and get things done.

Basketball ended (not really- it seems we are in a jamboree Saturday) and we have enjoyed a few quiet weekends at home. Football for the Big J starts Friday, so again FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS begin. It is still so hot here-- even at 7pm the air is hot and humid. With all the rain we have had, the bugs seem to be worse, but the Little J loves these games.

The girls are starting back to dance next week- that is going to take some serious juggling, but I think they are ready to be back in the studio.

More frequent posts to come... and more pictures.. finally getting the hang of it! HAHA

What is the right "THING?"

2010-08-06T16:21:00.000-07:00

Father let the world just fade away

Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, I've never been so weary

How I need to know your near me

Father let the world just fade away...

Father let your Holy Spirit sing

Let it calm this storm inside of me

As I stand amazed

Lift my hands and say

He is,

He was,

He always is to be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still, my soul

Through every fear

and every doubt

And every tear I shed

Down every road, I'm not alone

No matter where I am

He is

He was
He always will be

So after almost 3 months with no visit, we finally had a visit. It may be the last- I will tell you after this visit I felt terrible - and God just led me right to one of my oldest and very dear friends! We have known each other since 3rd grade! He just allowed us to visit for almost an hour (even though she was busy trying to close her shop - thank goodness her daughter was there!) It allowed me to see how great HE is through everything he has done for each of us in our lives over the last 40ish years! Time and time again I could see how he just wove the perfect pattern for both of us! His love never fails! I left there thinking.. wow! these two little girls from the Westside have really come along way :-)

Our attorney has met with the DCF attorney and it seems like we are in yet another holding pattern- this case is just wait, pray, wait, pray... scream, pray, etc for the last year and 1/2. It appears that a great aunt in Alabama is trying (as she has been for the past 2 years) to take guardianship of the boys. This way, the mother's rights would not be terminated as it would be considered a relative placement. It's considered less destructive to the boys. But we question a great aunt raising 2 young black boys. An aunt who is approaching 60- We are a little disappointed, we are a little angry, and we feel that this "system" has basically jerked us around for the last year and a half. But at least we know now what the realities of this case are. Our attorney has done everything she possibly can- it is really in God's hands. We believe that he still has the perfect plan for this situation and these two very precious boys. It may not be what our intentions are- but His will is not always what we desire. And it brings to mind the lyrics

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

Although, I would be the first to say I am actually feeling a little unwell about the entire situation- a little miffed to be honest. It has just been a constant battle for the last 15 months- I vacillate between a wide range of emotions which really put me in a mood that varies minute by minute it seems- Anger is such a terrible feeling- it just sucks the life right out of you .When I feel that anger starting to rise, I immediately start to pray and just ask God to take away that feeling- I don't want to cry about this situation- I want true release and the ability to give it back to Him. We never anticipated 3 boys- and yet those boys were brought to us by the Guardians and the Children's Home Society. So we ask.. what was the lesson- how will we explain this in a few years? Our minds just can't fully wrap around it or understand it. While we cling to the knowledge that God ultimately has control over all situations, it is the feeling of the flesh that make us feel most defeated. We don't understand the journey- and the feelings of loss and disappointment. We know we went on the journey for a reason, but right now we just have a lot of confusion which results in a lot of sour moods and shortness- We have prayed a lot, and we have once again just said "Lord, it's in your hands- you know what is best for our family, and you know what is best for the Little J's siblings- please just bring us peace- give us wisdom. That is really all we can ask for at this point.

We will get updates every 3 weeks from DCF via our attorney- until the ICPC passes or doesn't - who knows! In the meantime, mom isn't seeing the boys because of a failed drug test AGAIN- the whole situation is just sad- but we will keep the faith, even if it is smaller than a mustard seed, that this situation will resolve and bring us peace.

For with God, nothing shall be impossible

Luke 1:37

While all that has been going on.. time just keeps rolling on. I have been to my room already, and have a few more days to get things ready before the actual pre-planning starts. I need to try and purchase some fabric this weekend in between a wedding shower, getting kids ready for camps and yard work! The Big J starts full football camp next week 8-5 and that worries me too! It is HOT here-- but he has a great team of coaches and no worries are their words to us! Stay hydrated are my words to the Big J!

The girls start dance camp next week. It is a little different this year- only in the evenings. I am thinking that might actually work out better for them.

No wonder the guy from leather fixers asked me, "Are you sure no one is laying on the pillows?" I mean, lady the entire pillow has been torn off- that is NOT normal wear and Well, here's the thing.. at least he used to wait until we were not at home, and now.. he is up there all the time! I guess he is taking his guard dog job seriously! I'm not sure when this behavior started, and I am not sure how to correct it-- after all he is one of us.. but REALLY Stitch.. you are now costing us lots of money!!!

I have one more week of summer, and the kids have 2! It has really been a jam packed summer- not sure if I want to be gone that much again for awhile. It will be routines, dance, football, and all kinds of school functions for the next few months. Hopefully Fall will usher in some cool temperatures and great colors. When you think that Christmas is just 4 months away that puts a lot into perspective, and my next summer break then would only be 10 months away- put that way time really seems to be a vapor!

He is the ROCK, his works are perfect,

and all his ways are just.

A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is HE.

Deuteronomy 32:4

Playing Catch-Up Again...-

2010-07-24T17:01:00.001-07:00

I absolutely love these kids! They, as their faces show, are the funniest, most desirable children anyone could have. They make our lives so complete.. ready to please, smart with their school work, and love each other fiercely! God has truly blessed us! Can you tell they were over posing for me nicely! This is what they get for their blog picture today! The dock- such a pretty place- minus the fact I thought the little J would have much preferred to jump in! I love summer camp :-)

What a day.. but still smiles! Our tire light came on, so off to the tire store we go! Well, it seems that we have 3 nails in 3 tires, so four new tires did we buy! And as the little J said "they sure are pretty momma!" yeah.. I would agree they sure were pretty expensive!!! I guess all that running on interstates finally caught up with us. We are just thankful we didn't get stuck on the side of the road.. small graces of God right there!

Ever the clown! Getting fit at the pool! He is loving push-ups for some reason now. Not sure if he has been watching the Big J or M but he certainly can do his share! B was glad to get some pool time in at camp- and the little J is just about able to save himself! He can go from the middle to the side, but not vice-versa. It amazes me that he is able to swim at 3-

At church camp.. sticks were abound, and so were hickory nuts! I think the little J could play with this everyday and never miss a "store" toy. He loved being outside, and I loved to see him run.. even if at times I felt he was a wee-bit out of control. HAHA- one of my friends who was with me, gently reminded me.. he IS a boy and this is what THEY do! God continues to teach me new things about boys everyday!

WOW! Is just about all I can say! This summer is flying by, and we have been just about every where it seems! It seems it all started the week of 6/21 with VBS, then a Patrol Sponsor Trip to Washington DC the week of 6/27, then a great time in Gatlinburg 7/3, followed by a quick trip over to see my parents, then the week of 7/19 church camp! WHEW... with one more trip this week for AAU Nationals it will be finished! And thankfully I still will have 2 full weeks of summer break. And let me just tell you.. my house and yard have missed me! My poor container plants look a little limp. I guess the rain has slacked off some here-

It has been great having the kids out though- at some points I have had the opportunity to have each one of them alone and I am so thankful for who God has given to me. Each one of them are so unique and special. While we still are waiting on the other 2, God continues to give us some peace with that situation, and two really good attorneys that seem to have a handle on what needs to be done. To say that I don't become frustrated would not be the entire truth, but I do feel that God has the situation under control. Which is why I read Crazy Love again twice in the last 3 weeks. That book really makes you think about all the good God has for you, and yet on a daily basis, a minute by minute basis, we simply do not ask for those blessings. Why?? Makes no sense. So, to keep my mind sharp and focused I did start another journal, just to force myself to think about where we are and what's going on- To ask for things, and to write down just where HE shows up everyday! It is truly amazing, because in the mundane we skip right over those little graces! It also helps me focus on the good that is before me, and not worry about what I don't have, or don't like- This world is a crazy place, and yet we have so much more than others- jobs, homes, bank accounts, medical insurance.. things that I certainly take for granted on a daily basis! My one summer vice has still been Sonic happy hour- and yet what I spend at Sonic in a week is what some have to manage their entire household for the month! CRAZY!!!

At camp this week, M was able to skype with a young teenage farmer in Africa who cares for his siblings because his parents are deceased. We heard about the conference in our meeting, but hearing her describe that situation, and how much it touched her almost made me cry. It does go back to we have so much, and yet we find ourselves fretting over the smallest non-important things. How do we get so off-track? Listening to her all the way home talk about her counselors and the week just moves my soul. She is so tender-hearted and loves GOD! This week was truly a blessing for her. When she said to me "I just wanted to do something to help.. I just wanted to cry" I know that she saw the need there... It has her thinking and that is what we want to instill in all of our children- we are here to help others-

This coming week (tomorrow actually) is the Big J's time to shine! AAU basketball all week! I pray that he plays his game, and stays focused! It can be so competitive out there, and I don't ever want him to lose his love for the game- not to mention his coach can be a little difficult at times! But alas... that is why he travels with his momma!

Well- I must run to pick up that boy now, so I will close with this---

If everything that is given to us, is given to us from God, why do we have such a hard time giving it back when it really isn't ours to begin with.

Hello from Gatlinburg :-)

2010-07-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

The Tennessee Tornado! B's favorite coaster! This is M's favorite ride at Dollywood! It was also her favorite ride at Bush Gardens! The one we rode about six times in a row!!!

Yes, no matter where we are there will always be some kind of basketball involved! The Big J won (I believe) 10 balls over 2 days. He was told he could not play anymore the first day, and the same on the second! He also won 2 of the 20 daily guitars they usually give away.. Yes, he was banned from that game as well! I guess it is just 16 year old luck!

Miss B driving her Daddy! All my kids love these cars... It is always the first ride in Dollywood! Cracks us up each year that they still want to go and "drive" these cars!

The little J last year.. and the little J this year~He again almost one year to the date!

He is growing up! Where did all that baby fat go? If I was a good mama, I would have put him in an orange shirt and the green duck again! HA~

M.. having fun!!! The Big J rode the Scrambler!!!

I love these plant people! One year I am REALLY going to make some! They are all over Dollywood and they are always "dressed" up so good!

It has been a great three days in the mountains so far! The little J has loved having his dad along this year!! We got Dollywood out of the way Monday and Tuesday, and I think B rode every roller coaster in that park yesterday. She loved it! M and J did quite a few rides - but NO coasters for them! I like the water rides, and it is a good thing Derek likes (wants to ride) the roller coasters!

Tonight we are going to see "Unto These Hills" down in Cherokee. I can't wait. I remember seeing this when I was younger and I hope my kids enjoy it as much as I did!

We are enjoying are summer and not worrying about "a thing" back home :-)

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and

unsearchable things you do not know."

Jeremiah 33:3

Gardening Skills..............

2010-07-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

inadequate? Just head on over to your local theme park and you will REALLY see how inadequate you are! I mean really!!! I guess it does pay to have a gardener 24/7 with unlimited flowers and money!!! My sweet little B has turned into a roller coaster nut!!! Not this one in Virgina, but man.. I think she rode every roller coaster in Dollywood today much to my shock!

The little J eating "on the road again!"

B & M knocked out in BOCA!!

The Big J (#3) has had an awesome summer playing basketball! In fact, he was banned from the hoops at Dollywood today. I think he walked away with 9 basketballs.... CRAZY!! I may come home with many more after our 2nd day tomorrow!

I have only missed two games of the summer league, but Derek said he did super last week! Next week is tournament play, so that should be fun our first full week home. We can hardly wait until school ball this year, but of course we will have to endure some Friday Night Lights before the hoop mania begins!

He does listen to ALL his coaches and that does make me smile :-)..

2 days in a row; might make it 3!

I am trying to reorganize some photos and files on my computer.. we will see how far I get.

A Catch-Up Week!

2010-07-04T19:09:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Gatlinburg!!

Could not resist this picture, but The little J is old enough to take dance this year! I can hardly wait!!!!

We are back in Gatlinburg for our annual trip and we are having a blast! The Big J and Derek made the trek this year so we are having more fun if that is possible! It has been way to crazy around our house lately.. a little remodeling, some new closets, a new fence, some painting projects, and one week in Washington, DC with my patrols, a quick trip to BOCA, VBS... I mean I have been terrible at updating, keeping a clean house, keeping the pantry stocked, etc..

This week I am going to get this blog updated and just spend some time reflecting on how thankful I am for everything that has been given to me! And make long lists of things that are going for a ride when we get home! I just feel like we have way TOO much stuff!

More posts, more reflection, and more pictures to come this week!

Sandy?

2010-06-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

The little J stayed in the water for the majority of our time here! HE LOVED it!!! He liked to float face down, jump over waves, and just have fun in the sun!!

He even has a little of the coppertone tan going :-)

Even when it was time to go, he managed to get himself "full of sand" again. Not to fear... showers at the top!

Summer is HERE!!!

M at the Beach!

2010-06-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

More pictures to come.....

101 and rising!

2010-06-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

The Heat is Here! Drink W-A-T-E-R

2010-06-07T15:53:00.000-07:00

The Big J has a busy sports summer planned! We just finished Spring Football (he is number 3), and will start High School basketball next week over at the College! He is excited because he should now have #3 in both sports, and that seems to be important! LOL! AAU is still in full swing too, but limited during the month of June because most of our kids play high school ball. I cannot believe he will be in 10th grade next year. It seems like this year just flew by for him!

Boy... is it ever hot around here! I think it has been above 90 for at least the last week. And the HUMIDITY has been terrible! I specifically remembering ordering NO humidity until after school was out. I mean really, do you know what humidity does to my not so straight hair??? Not to mention my asthma!! Which brings me to my favorite summertime drinks..... anything SONIC!! and you CANNOT beat their HAPPY HOUR!! I am going to try and limit that this summer- that is a lot of sugar I have learned. I have often thought about ordering a diet whatever but that just takes the FUN right out of ordering!!
I have decided in my crazy mind that I am going to go room by room this summer and clear out the clutter. Does anyone else have junk just crammed everywhere? I mean really there is so much stuff in this house, I couldn't even begin to tell you what is here! I am going to use the Fly Lady again and really clean house this summer! I really don't want to garage sale that "stuff" either, but my kids love that stuff- so we will see. In the meantime it is going to be organized very neatly into "stuff" crates in the garage. I also think I am going to be shredding a lot of paper :-)
The little J loves playing outside! He thinks that means he is able to play in the sprinkler every afternoon, and with dance now over for the year, those sprinkler play dates are really filling up fast! Both B and M are enjoying getting outside too and riding their bikes and playing with neighborhood friends! Just 3 1/2 more days until are summer fun begins!

B has so much hair! This was actually a good hair day too! She hardly ever lets me put a lot of product in it and keeps it down all day. Usually she puts it up in a sloppy bun! It has really gotten long again.

B was just as busy this year! It was the first year I have not been "back" stage in a long time! Some parts of me really missed it, and others not so much! Next year, I do think I am going to take a class or two! Just to stay in shape!

M in regular ballet! I must not have taken pictures of her pointe!

M's tap dance. Modern Day Millie- I loved it! M liked the dance, but NOT the costume!! I loved them both. She is on the far right!

M was a Tiki bird this year in one of her dances. It was one of my favorite! She is the pink one in the middle! We had our recital this weekend, 2 shows, a bazillion costume changes and dances, but oh so fun! We are going to take a break over the summer, but M may take some pointe classes to keep her legs strong! I loved this costume; her dance teacher made them.

Aren't these boys getting big? I think the little one is just about wearing the same size as J! The oldest is excited about Kindergarten in the Fall. Derek went for this visit and he said they played outside the entire time!

Wow.. the winds of change are blowing like crazy around here! We are almost through with another year of school, and this summer may bring more changes to our house. We are excited but cautious about how things may turn out for our family. It is amazing to me how fast time travels on.. when I look back at the year, some things seem so long ago, and yet really they may have only been weeks or a few months. To think that Christmas is just six months away made me really go hmmmmmm.We took J to the beach for the first time Sunday. Of course, I left my camera at home because we were having professional pictures made and he had a blast! I am so glad we took pictures first because he completely soaked himself! He loved it though! The sand and the water! I see lots of early morning beach trips for us this summer! His ISR teacher is not teaching this year, so he will be taking swim lessons from another instructor. She is a teacher at our school, and I am excited that he gets to start next week. He will have plenty of time to practice as much as we are around water!

The M and I are traveling to Washington with my Safety Patrols this year. I am excited to take the kids! I usually don't go, but I think I am going to start!! It is six days, and I love Washington DC! We will be gone with Derek in charge of the other 3- we will see how it goes! The Big J envisions dinner out every night... I am not sure about that, but I know they will have a good time.

We are looking for a good beach vacation. We had talked about the Gulf prior to the oil disaster, and then we thought about the Carolina's- still haven't nailed a beach down yet for the first week of August. We may just go over to St. Augustine and chill! Who knows... by then we may be beat from our already busy schedule! I just remember that before the little kids we always spent a week at the beach!

Frequent posts coming soon! Woo-Hoo!

We're Back...

2010-05-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder... I say absence is my solace sometimes. Not wanting to say too much, and yet wanting to say a lot all at once. Absence has not meant that we have not been busy! Too busy at times, but like we told one of our dearest friends... there will be a day that we will long to be this busy again :-)

The mountain is moving. It is moving slow... sort of like a glacier- rubbing, scraping, and molding as it goes. We are good- we are excited about things to come!

" I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation"

Philippians 4:11

My "M" is growing up! She is going to middle school- I just can't believe it. It will be the first time she has not been at school with me since Pre-K! She is ready, and she is excited. I am nervous, but know that she will do great! She may even try out for some sports in 7th grade.
Look Dad... I am going to jump in and swim underwater!

I'm not afraid of the water- No, not even one little bit!! We are amazed at how well he likes the pool. He liked it last year too, but this year he has more balance and he is all over the place. This was the best kid pool ever! B enjoying the pool down in Orlando! We have been fortunate that Derek has had quite a few games in Orlando this year, so the hotels have been great!

Probably the only pose I will get this year!

And he is happy that he is number 3 this year!

The Big J's first Spring football game was last Friday. I cannot even begin to tell you how HOT it was!!! It had to be about 100 degrees at 4:00~ I even have a tan line from my flip flops! The little J loved it! He screamed, he yelled, and at the end of the game he took his usual run down the field! The Big J looked really good to! For some reason (probably because everyone in the basketball gym) the Little J believes that his wardrobe should consist of basketball shorts and a white t-shirt! Sometimes he wins, sometimes I win :-)

I heart Publix!!

It was so nice outside Sunday... we had a nice breeze and only about 84! Perfect for J's outside party!

Happy Birthday Little J! 3 years old already, and it does not even seem possible! We celebrated with a Blue's Clues Cake and "Spiderman" plates... It took a lot out of me to mismatch themes, but that is what the Little J wanted.

It is hard to believe that the end of the school year is closing in. We only have about 9 1/2 days left, and the last 4 1/2 our slammed with end of year 5th grade activities, including a trip to Animal Kingdom in Orlando. I signed the Little J up for swimming lessons today. I am so excited that he will learn to swim at the beginning of the summer!

This year has taught us a lot. When I look back at the craziness of it all, I can hardly believe that we have come this far. We are encouraged that things are working towards our desires, and we are hopeful that we will see results soon! I can only say that when you truly let God lead, he does amazing work! Funny how we continually try and do the work for him.

To close, who cannot love David Crowder? I could play this song on return all day-

Looking forward to sharing good news with you SOON! (and more frequent posts through the summer!)

May.... Really?????

2010-04-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

An old pic, but a good pic!

The Little J's preschool auction! He actually sang and participated!

Snow Cones for Spirit Week!

Playday at school!

B in her school play (the pink flower) Who Pushed Humpty?

M at Co Dance in Orlando.

B-

B in Mr. Postman!

We are counting days around here! 31 left in this school year. It has really gone fast! Hard to believe that it is almost over. These last few weeks as always will fly by, and then it will seem as if it really wasn't that long of a year at all!

We are in full National Dance Week / Recital mode around here. It has been tutus and tights all over the place. A few mishaps but luckily everything has been found. It seems to go full speed, and then recital is over and it is finally calm. A rest ... a break.. but not for too long! But certainly not driving to the studio 4 nights a week!

The M did not get into the school of her choice, so we are tossing around all kinds of thoughts and ideas. Home school, private school, moving. etc... Again another situation in which I feel we are waiting for direction.. any kind of direction. The should of, could of, would of come into play here. This is the time when faith has to take over, or I become a little crazed. It's times like these that I just think.. what's the plan supposed to be- and why can't I see it!!! It seems for almost a year we have been waiting- you would think we would have gotten better at this but, it still throws a few kinks into our daily operations.

The Big J is too busy as well. Spring football, travel ball, and school have him gone just about every second of every day. He has done really well this last nine weeks! So, his summer should not be filled with Reading Camp :-). We go off to State in a few weeks for basketball so that should be fun, and if we play it right, hopefully we will be in a nice hotel with a BIG fun pool over Memorial Day Weekend.

The Little J is busy too. Turning 3 must be a big deal in age for boys, because he is all over the place! He wants to do everything himself and he is really into exploring and laughing. Anything can be extremely funny to him at any given time. I can honestly say there is night and day between the girls and him at this age. Sometimes I think a short bus may be in his future, but I am assured that he is sharper than a tack! Just a little "boy wild!"

We are looking forward to the summer. To sleeping late, hanging out, and soaking up the sun! We have a few days to relax before VBS begins, and then the M and I will head to DC for a week for our patrol trip. Looking forward to that!!!

More updates to come :-)

Absent, but not forgotten!

2010-04-12T16:39:00.000-07:00

If this smile could convey our life right now- it would be right on the mark! We have been super busy and I have been super sick ! I have spent the last week and 1/2 back and forth with my asthma! It has been terrible! But, before, in the middle, and after- we have had a little bit of fun! A quick trip to Disney for dance!

The boat ride over to Disney

Sweet friends ready to dance!

and 3 basketball tournaments at - GA State, Disney, and Jacksonville....

has even made the Little J a little loopy!

So in between .. we took a trip to the zoo, as IF things around here were not already a little crazy!

and the animals were out in force, as was about 4,000 people that day!

Snug as a bug in Disney ...

Living up to their names!

He will nap where ever he can. In a gym during a tournament no doubt! Buzzers, whistles and screaming have no affect on his napping abilities!

Really, this park should have been set up with the castle facing the opposite way- the sun is just brutal there in the mornings!

We stand and lift up our hands

For the joy of the Lord is our strength

We bow down and worship Him now

How great how awesome is He

And together we sing

Holy is the Lord, God almighty

The earth is filled with his glory

Holy is the Lord, God almighty

The earth is filled with his glory

(Chris Tomlin - Holy is the Lord)

We are still waiting and hoping, and waiting and praying! Who knows what our possibilities are, or how they will play out. That is our attorney's job! God is still bigger than all of this, and we will just wait and see what that is!

All this with 42 days of school left! Yee-haw as I said today! Can hardly wait for summer! That seems to be the theme around here... waiting... but keeping busy doing it! The Big J has played in three huge tournaments in the last 3 weeks, and we managed to get to Disney two weekends in a row (thanks to dance one weekend and basketball the next!).

I have more pictures and stories, but it will just have to wait!

Bring the Rain....

2010-03-21T19:43:00.000-07:00

So, we headed to GA State College for a basketball tournament, and on the way there I discovered that I left my camera home... what to do, what to do? Well, thankfully we were able to find a replacement point and shoot. No where near as good as my Nikon, but we have had fun with the little camera, and the girls (as you will see) LOVE IT!!!

B was so excited to be at the games, she could not wait ~~for them to start~~ to get to the American Girl Doll Store in ATL!!! Our 2 boys.. the Big J and the little J respectively!

This might just be his cutest picture yet!

The little j is in his glory at these tournaments! in a gym all day with lots of boys, lots of balls, and lots of places to run and play! His dad likes it quite a bit too!

Yes, much to his dad's chagrin, this horse made a very big showing at the gym!!

I should have posted this last... this is how we look when it is over!

The Big J, and 2 of our players.. this is how all tournaments start out.. EARLY!!!! excited and waiting to play!

He was excited, and had not idea why! It was very cute.

We had no problem getting up today! We were actually there about 30 minutes before the store opened!

waiting for the AGD store to open....

The lady at AGD was kind enough to take his horse out of the box.

M and B both got new dolls on our trip! They were very excited!

The little j had a fit over this horse, and in the end I bought it for him.. I think it is the most expensive fake horse I have every bought.. and for the little j, maybe even the most expensive toy! However, for the record he is still sleeping and playing with his horse!

They have the best lunch here! And it is reasonable which makes it all better!

This was B's appetizer! B thought it was one of the best pretzels she has ever had- crunchy on the outside and chewy in the middle! With cheese and mustard.

My lunch! Those shrimp were so good!!

B's lunch - tic tac toe pizza!

M's lunch minus the mac and cheese!

After lunch and shopping at the American Girl Doll Store...

This is the little j on the way back to GA State College!

M looking very middle-schoolish!

B - still smiles all the time!

the little j in logan's portable crib! no- he has never been in there before, but now, he believes that it is his job to "sleep with" baby logan! And that baby is just precious by the way.. he has been over a few times, and I promise you he is absolutely the best baby ever! Mom, dad, and baby are doing really well!

Today, I took a four hour nap because I had the worst week ever and needed to regroup, and apparently this next series of pictures is a little of what went on... The big boys were at the NCAA tournament here in town!

See.. at this point, I must have been SOUND asleep!

Not sure why he is somersaulting on tile... sure that has something to do with my taking a nap!

So, you ask... where have we been? And to that I reply ... all over! Literally.. I mean all over. We have been going non-stop for quite awhile now. It seems days have turned into weeks, and weeks into months. The 24 hour period of a day just is not enough sometimes!

Church, dance and basketball fill the majority of our time, however, work, cleaning, and life takes up the other. And life has been a little crazy right now. It is funny how you think you are moving

along, giving things to God and then he gives them right back to you. Is that a lesson? In January most of you know that we went to court and we left with things NOT in our favor- and not in our favor a little, but NOT in our favor a LOT! I remember thinking to myself.. okay God, I guess this is your plan, and this is how it is going to be. I will live with that- we will live with that. It is not what we want, but that is obviously the path we are to take. So on with life we went. We got involved with travel ball, dance, church, etc. We didn't think about what we didn't have- and we felt that we had been given a clear path that it was truly only 1 child that we would get out of 3. Well, we have peace with that.. we move on, we try to adjust and we feel pretty good about it. We are healthy, we are busy, and we are practicing being content. And then, out of the blue in early March we receive an email asking us to set-up visitation (after a visitation disaster in January/ February that didn't occur). Inquiring minds want to know.. why are these crazy people still calling us? Honestly.. what is the lesson here? We just don't get it at all, and that makes it the most frustrating for us. Anyway, we really don't get it, and then we receive another call from another agency asking us to hire an attorney in Jacksonville because the mom has not met her TPR goals as outlined by March 4- I mean as if any of us want to travel that road again.. It was like walking through fire with briars at your face. It was not a pleasant experience at all for us. It makes you a little crazy.. and we just did not know what to do. Really, hire another attorney for what? The Judge that we thought was a devout Christian turned out to be very ugly.. (remember the whole "You need to get a reality check" comment) and the emotional tugs were almost to much to carry if the truth is told. But, after prayerful consideration we did make some calls. First to our caseworkers here, and then to several attorneys to find out what our options would be. Because again, when we explain what has happened, or what is happening, and when you read the motion, no one, not ONE single person can believe that we are even going through this.. because the scenario is this- you have 2 boys in foster care for 15 months when the family that adopted the middle brother is willing to adopt the other 2??? Nobody gets it- us included. But we will put that aside, because as much as I would like to fix that, I know that I can't. So, this time around we will let our attorney try and figure out what to do... What do you do? There are several options that could happen according to our attorney-

1- the guardians could file a TPR motion on behalf of the brothers; the mom has not met her goals, she has never had her children, and it would make sense for them to come to us at the guardians request

2- the judge could follow the LAW and grant the TPR and follow the statues and place the siblings with us

3- the centers could continue to fight us, request a match staffing, and give the kids to whomever they please- we in turn would have to hire an attorney for Jackson and it would continue to be a mess

the fourth option, and the one we are most hopeful to occur is-our attorney files a motion to intervene, the mom agrees to surrender rights to our attorney, and we privately adopt Jackson's siblings-

the fourth option is more costly, and his brothers would not receive some of the same benefits the little j has (college, free medical) but they would be ours free and clear. That like I said, is the option that we want to happen.

Now comes the hard part again.. the waiting, the not knowing, and the unrest that comes with not knowing. We have never not wanted those boys- we have never forgotten them, or taken their pictures down- we have continued to pray God's favor on them- but our hearts have always felt like they should be with us.

So, again we will leave it with God. Our ultimate desire or wish, or what we just want more than anything is to have the opportunity to parent all three boys. Of course, we have those desires, so we have felt as if we are missing 2 - My social worker told me last week, that maybe God needed us to let it really "GO" so that he could be in control (because that is one issue that I still struggle with) and in January when we finally let it go.. his work could continue.

If this doesn't make me crazy, the joy that is yet to come is thrilling! I think to myself in an attempt to figure it all out that maybe we needed this time to adjust to the little j- that he needed that time with us- and we are ready now for the next step!

We have asked and continue to ask God to show us favor and mercy in this situation- we will continue to be faithful in our works so that His good can shine through.

Today when I was teaching my 1st and 2nd graders Sunday School one of them said to me... You know the most amazing thing about telling God something...... he already knows.. and if it's bad, or not pleasant he still loves you and he forgets about it immediately! How true is that! That just simply asking him to lift this unknown from us and guide us is what he truly wants to hear!!

With that.. we have about 8 days left in our 3rd grading period. It has flown by this year. I have started everyday in devotion with GOD and it has been an amazing year for me. I don't know why I stop reading my Bible when things are going good- maybe this is the year that God needed to point that out to me as well!

Next week we head to Disney- the girls, the little j and I! Big dance stuff happening down there. The little J is so excited he can barely contain himself. I think we all answer about 50 questions a day from him. The big boys are heading to another tournament, and then Spring Break, another Orlando tournment, and then a trip to the University of Tennessee! I can't wait for that trip! I love Knoxville! Heck... I love Tennessee!

Keep us in your prayers- prayers that God would show us what we need to see at the right time. Prayers of contentment, and for us to be able to continue to let him work this out!

As B would say... Peace out home scout!

It's Easter Time!!!

2010-03-07T19:34:00.000-08:00

This is M's Easter outfit and shoes.. It took a lot of talking to actually get a dress, and real shoes, but once she put it on, she really liked it!

This is what B selected, accept with a white tee and white shoes, white head band, and white tights! Sassy this year!

This is what I picked out for the Little J!

And this belongs to the baby.....

It was a fun time today getting all of this ready!!! Now.. just the Big J, Derek and myself.. I so hope we are in town for Easter this year, but something tells me we may again be on the road!!

M just cannot get enough of her new nephew!! Today is the only day she did not see him!

Oh my.. this little guy is so sweet and so good!

I was finally able to get the little J to pose with baby L!!! It took some work, but he finally had some interest in the baby!

It seems like we just blink and the weekend is over. I keep asking myself ... where does the time go? Has it always gone by this fast, or does it just go this fast the older you get? At this point, I think it will be Christmas again before I know it!

"The Lord Almighty has sworn this oath, 'It will all happen as I have planned. It will come about according to my purpose. I have a plan for the whole Earth, for my mighty powers reaches throughout the world. The Lord Almighty has spoken-- who can change his plans? When his hand moves, who can stop him?"

Isaiah 14:24, 26-27

An Exciting Day!! 03-04-10

2010-03-04T13:04:00.000-08:00

Our new grand baby!!!! So in addition to mom and dad, we will known also be known as mimi and pops!

The new parents. E did a great job. She did not complain at all, and I think that may be a first!

A brand new baby! 7 pounds 14 ounces... Logan Fletcher

He was so sweet when his nurse was cleaning him up- he just looked around and cooed! Not a big screamer at all. He looks like an old man!!! but he is oh so sweet!

The new mom and her bundle of joy.

All smiles.. All the time. He was so quiet today, rarely fussed, and was just perfect.

I don't think this new baby was put down one bit today- The new dad and baby Logan.

M was a trooper! She helped all day, and then came home to take a quick nap before dance.

Needless to say it wiped B out, while the Little J not so much.

My Blog absence has not been intentional- just a lot going on with the change of events around here. Nothing too exciting, but it seems this whole school year has been one big blur. Where does the time go?

We are gearing up for travel ball so we should have some great fun coming up! We are going to Atlanta which the girls love because that mean an automatic trip to the American Girl Doll Store. And then, shortly after that a great trip to the University of Tennessee!!! Did I mention I love travel ball! And throw in a trip to Disney for dance and we have sailed through March!!

I have a good post coming that I have been working on- it will be up soon. but for now... enjoy the pictures!!!

We've been around....

2010-02-20T13:48:00.000-08:00

Yeah... our dogs have finally l0st weight! They are fit!!!

Waiting... Waiting... Waiting... Is this audition ever going to start???

Our last game of the season. The Big J had a great run as a 9th grader on Varsity. We will see what the travel ball season brings.

M was barely awake hear trying to finish her book!

A total girls weekend in Orlando last weekend! We had a great time in the Hyatt attached to the Orlando International Airport! Great dance convention, great rooms, and great places to eat.

Our view from the waiting area of the convention area!

This was their "showcase" piece on Sunday. I am waiting for the pictures I bought, and I will post some great shots of M & B.

The winning dance!! All the girls were so excited! That is B on one of my former 3rd grade student's shoulders! Funny how small the world is!

This is how M spent her day off from school last Monday! I think she read from the time she got up, until she went to bed!! The weekend in Orlando must have exhausted her!!! She stayed in her PJ's all day.

B right before her audition class. She was so excited that the hotel had a Starbucks next to it!! (And that is hot chocolate for the record!)

After a long night of competition (11:30) even McDonalds can still make them smile!!

Getting ready to go!!

This was B at the Big J's last game... It was a nail biter, and we did not win in the end!! So close though. Our life can be described by one word- BUSY!! We have finally finished high school sports for the year. I can't convince the Big J to run track, but there are worse things I am sure. WHS did a great job in their district playoffs with a young team but they are now done! But don't worry travel ball started the next week so I am sure Derek and the Big J will find lots of basketball adventures over the next six months!

The girls and I had a great trip to Orlando last weekend for a big dance competition there. It was quite fun actually! It is amazing what it feels like to be able to sit and read a few books over two days! Both girls did great and won lots gold (high awards for their dances). In about four weeks we will head to Disney for a weekend of more dancing- this time we will take the little J with us. Derek and the Big J will be away at a basketball tournament.

The little J is doing amazing. It is hard to believe he will be three in May. He is really "using" his words and knows a lot of random things. He has a great little personality too! I told him today that he needed to start sleeping in his big boy bed and he replies "Nooo, I am not!" It just amazes us each day how he runs around with an abundance of energy. He has enough for all of us. He loves to be outside, playing with sticks, rocks, or any other object he can find. Boys are just so full of wonder of how things work, or objects that move. I think he could stare at "big trucks, tractors, or other work related vehicles" for hours! He even loved watching the skiers and snowboarders at the Olympics! Anything with fast action! Of course, he still plays with his trains and puzzles too!

School is zooming by this year. We counted Friday and we only have about 14 weeks left! It seems unreal that this year has flown by. What is more unreal to me is that we have started the season of Lent, and Easter is right around the corner! Holidays have been so fun with a little one in the house again. It just seems that everything is moving so fast, and in fact when we look at the calendar IT IS!!!

I am doing a bible study on contentment that I really like. It is easy to get lost- but even easier to stay grounded when you realize how much you have been given already. It just puts a peace around you that makes it all seem worth it. Sometimes with kids all over the place it is easy to get lost for a few, but staying grounded in faith allows us to know what really is important.

And He said to them, "Take care and be on your guard against all covetousness,

for one's life does not consist in the abundance of possessions."

Luke 12:15

He did it!!!

2010-02-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

So, we played Bolles the other night.. did not think it would be a close game at all.. Boy, did I miss the beat on that one!!! We were up most of the game, and then in the 4th quarter we were down, down by 6, down by 10, down by 3- then we are tied with less than a minute on the clock, and the Big J goes up for a basket- but gets a foul... and it was nerve wracking!! but, he makes it!!! HE MAKES IT... and then for his second shot he shoots an air ball trying to run out the clock??? what ????? but we won! And of course we were all smiles later!!!

The Big J and the Little J... oh what a week... February already... travel basketball begins, dance competitions, and the summer countdown begins! The 100th day is tomorrow, which means only 90 days left on Monday.

Random Post - Beware!

2010-02-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

The M loves the IPhone camera!!!

It's dance time around here. M & B are getting ready to compete, so we are busy getting bags ready, make-up assembled, tights and shoes organized, and costumes set. It is CRAZY!!! They both have so much stuff!! I will post some pictures from their full dress rehearsal on Sunday.

The little J loves Krispy Kreme! He just had to have his doughnut!

The Big J started in the Gateway Conference! Made it to the final four- but that is as far as it went! The team that beat them, went all the way to the top - Yeah for Ribault!

The little J loves these Home Depot Safety Goggles. He wears them all the time, even though it looks like he can't breathe with them on. Tonight he had them on while he was eating ribs sitting ON the table!

It is hard to believe that High School Basketball is almost over. We have two games left this week, and then tournament play next week. Seems like this season went by way too fast! Travel Ball will start back up in about 2 weeks, and then our first big tournament will be in March. Before you know it, it will be June and The little J will have been with us for a year! It just doesn't seem possible.
The weather around here has been crazy. Eight days in the 20's, a week in the 60's, and now another cold snap with rain! My poor yard. That is going to be a whole other post. It is going to take hours of work to restore some order out there! My African Iris are blooming, and there are buds on some of my azaleas! The yard has just gone mad... not to mention on the green that has been sucked out of the grass! I actually think I am going to change some beds this year anyway, so I guess it is as good as time of ever to "clean yard!"

Starting a Bible Study on Psalm and I can't wait! The book of Psalm is one of my favorites, and I am excited to have a study on it.

Stay tuned... more exciting news coming :-)

Basketball ALL Week!

2010-01-27T18:41:00.000-08:00

We had our First Fun Run at school today! It was great weather outside and all the kids enjoyed it! B ran most of the time, and then went to lunch with M and me for M's magnet tour! First we beat Parker, then We BEAT Raines!!!!

now, Thursday we are off to beat Ribault! We made it to the Final Four!!

M was having a great day today wishing Bubble Wrap a very Happy 50th Birthday!! Oh the silly things we do in class!

The Little J and Bop!

Big Game tomorrow!

A few random things, and the Escape Artist!

2010-01-24T18:50:00.000-08:00

By far, our toughest game yet. The Gainesville Hurricanes can out ready to play! Very aggressive, but great basketball. E & D! Hard to believe, but it is true! Baby Logan will be here before we know it!

Yikes... I thought it was a turn-over, but the Big J actually had a great assist!

Friends, fans.. or fans and friends??? Hard to say!

Please mom... I need a haircut... Do you have any idea what this feels like????

I thought these were the absolute cutest things for my little man! I mean really footed PJ's with grips... My girls never wore them, but I thought for one quick second that he just might... Turns out, he thought is was a game...

Let me see exactly how this works!!

Really, I can work a zipper! So the Little J... not so much!

Oh my... where does are weekend go.. Let's see baby shower, basketball, haircut, basketball, church... yearbook stuff! Come on summer!!! It is hard to believe that our weeks are already filling up. You live and learn, and this year the last two weeks will be spent closer to home :0

We have watched a lot of good basketball lately!! The big J starts tournament play Monday, the same night M auditions. Should be quite an interesting week this week! We have been waiting on this audition forever, and I am sure she will do great. She says that she is only a "little" nervous, and it helps that her old dance teacher sent her an email as well!

We know that whatever school she lands in for 6th grade, she will fit right in!

Have a great week!

90 days to go!

2010-01-21T17:58:00.000-08:00

It was a little cold around here for awhile! Very cold actually. I think every tropical plant that we bought to landscape with has been damaged. I am really going to have to research how you care for these plants now... or there is going to be one huge trip to Lowes in the near future! Today we had another day of wild weather! Lots of rain, hail, and heavy winds! It was a great day to stay home!

It is hard to believe that today was the last day of our 2nd 9weeks grading period. That marks the halfway point for us. It seems unreal that we are at this point in the year, but it reminds me that time waits for no one! In just a very short time M will be going to middle school! She has her auditions and tours for magnet schools next year, so we will see. She is ok wherever she ends up. It will be the first time that she has not been at school with me- now that will be strange! It will just be B and me.

Summer plans are being made and it looks like we will be heading North for a few fun trips! Excited about that!!!!

We have been very busy too! Probably not more than usual, but a lot of "monkey wrenches" thrown in here and there! Takes a little to adjust, but we just keep marching forward. The Big J has been starting Varsity lately, and we are glad of that. I still think he would have had more playing time on JV, but I am not the Coach in the house LOL! Travel Ball starts soon, so we should have some good trips coming up. I saw a sneak preview of the schedule and it looks like ATL and Knoxville again for two of our big tournaments! I just love both of those events.

M & B are busy as ever with dance. They are going to Orlando in less than a month and they are practicing so hard! I should have some fun pictures from that event. It amazes me that they are both great dancers and love it! We just want them busy with something!

The little J is getting so big. His vocabulary and speech are out of this world. He has an awesome memory too- and he knows who belongs to who. It amazes us that he associates moms with their basketball players. He has been in the gym probably far too much (if that is possible!) He loves to go to a basketball game!

I will post some pictures later.... I cannot get my Nikon to upload, and I am going to watch a show for a change!
Good night for now....

A New Journey

2010-01-07T15:51:00.000-08:00

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives

generously to all without finding fault,

and it [wisdom] will be given to him.

James 1:5

In April of last year, Derek and I decided that we were ready to add to our roost. God just led us to need that was so great in our State. Adoption was always an option for us, and with school behind us, we felt we were ready. Jackson's adoption was heaven sent. From our first orientation meeting, to the timing that led us to find Jackson, we know that God's plan was in full view. Approximately 2 months earlier in the height of travel ball season, one of Derek's players also began staying with us from time to time. He was a bright kid with a great future. As the summer progressed and school let out, we found out on June 9th that Jackson would be coming to live with us. We were beyond filled with grace. We felt that the process had been so smooth, and so unlike the horror stories we had heard about. At our first staffing, we were advised that there were two siblings that were also going to be available for adoption and we agreed to take them as well. From then on, you can reread old posts, but acquiring the siblings became a battle. We felt like God was continuing to bless us, and we along the way saw many ways that God allowed this process to stretch us and "grow" us. There were many highs and lows for us, but through it all we learned to trust and rely on God more and more. School resumed, Jasper was living with us full time, and Jackson's adoption closed October 26th. The girls were busy in dance, and everything was rolling along. At no time did we think that not getting Jackson's siblings would be the end result.

However, it was not easy. The battle was long. Satan was strong. And in the end, at today's court hearing we decided to walk away from this process. The fighting that has occurred between The Centers and us over the last six months has been exhausting. They are full of scorn and hate. They are liars. As I sat in court today, it amazed me that before God they just let the lies fly. Because the mom will not have her rights terminated until the 6th of March, they wanted us to be part of a family engagement program, support the mom, and facilitate visitation for reunification. Our core faith wishes the mom well. However, the facts are pretty clear, she has some very big challenges to overcome. We feel that even if she does not meet her goals by the 6th we would still be in a battle over placement of the siblings. We realize the emotional toll this battle has taken on all of us, and we believe that in the end, our family unit is more important and precious than a state system. When we left the court house today, I can honestly say that I felt relieved. When I look back over the last eight months, we see clearly how God was with us every step of the way. We see how he has richly blessed us with Jasper and Jackson, as well as our three girls, Elisha, Macey, and Briley. The experiences that we had with our attorney, the guardians, and the guardians attorney were pure examples of how God sends angels to us at just the right time. How they continue to do their job with dignity and grace continues to amaze us. To not give up, to continue the fight.. They are the real keeper of God's children. While the outcome did not turn out as we had expected back in June, we are clearly at peace with it tonight. We know that we can tell Jackson with good faith that we tried to keep his sibling group together. We know that God will cover those small boys with prayers, and that they will have a family of some type to care for them. I keep thinking of the Garth Brooks song with the line that goes "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." While we prayed for this, our church and friends prayed for this, we are not angry or hurt by the decision. It is an answer to the prayer that we asked God to show us- that if this wasn't meant to be that we would be able to walk away without guilt or pain,- that we would be able to know that we did all we good do.

We believe that God continues to bless us. Leaving Ocala today for the last time was easy for me. I felt at peace with how it was, and did not feel the heavy burden of sorrow that I usually feel. It was really an answer to prayer- that God would remove that from me, and just show us what the plan would or would not be.

I had a very great friend travel with me each time to Ocala. The meals and conversations that we shared each trip are sweet memories (minus the texting while driving incidents!!!). We never did stop and eat at the Burger Barn, but hey.. we couldn't accomplish everything.

We prayed for 2 boys last year- a 2 year old and a 4 year old. God richly blessed us with a 2 year old and a 16 year old and we love them more than ever. We feel that as a family, we have truly been given an opportunity to witness and share the goodness of God's love.

There were no tears today, and when I came home tonight and saw the faces of Jackson, Jasper, Macey, Briley, and Elisha I see the good that God gives to us each day.

We thank you for all your prayers, kind words, and thoughts with us as we moved along this journey. While this door may have closed, we are so excited to see what God has in store for us!

We know that we will continued to be blessed, because we know his plans for us far exceed anything we could ever imagine. As I read Jeremiah 29:11 each day, I am reminded that good things are coming by way of our family, that our desires our known, and HIS desires are to continually bless us.

You will keep in perfect peace

all who trust in you,

whose thoughts are fixed on you!

Isaiah 26:3

And this is Jackson's final picture for the day... runny nose and all.... Isn't God good to US!!!!!

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

The Big J is finally shooting- and making his shots!!!

A lot of time at the gym! Way to go Big J!

Birthday fun for all!

This is the first time ever we let the little j sit away from us! He was so happy. B was filming the game, and the little j wanted to be right with her.

This is my favorite smile picture! JQ will turn 5 on the 6th, so we had a little party for him when we went to visit. Spiderman cake with all the favors! You still can't convince me that red and blue icing should be legal!! Really, that stuff is worse than a sharpie!!

This was our visit before the New Year. The Big J started his tournament that day, so he was not able to join us. I think our drive time that day was about six hours!!

We started our long Christmas break with basketball, and we ended our long Christmas break with basketball. The Wolfpack won 2 and lost 1 in their Christmas tournament, which placed them in the consolation game, which they won!!! The big J did very well. This is the first time we actually saw him play to his potential. I guess it is just such a different speed, but now we think he has "arrived" !

We were all home the last week of our break, which made it very nice traveling to and from the Big J's basketball tournaments! We were able to see all games most days! We finished on New Year's Eve, and then came back to the house and had a few friends over. Great times ringing in the New Year!

Monday it is back to school and work for everyone. In three short weeks we will have finished the second nine weeks of school. Time is just rolling along! Hard to believe that M will be in 6th grade next year. Where has the time gone? B will be in 3rd, and the Big J will be in 10th! Time waits for no one that is for sure.

We are entering the new year with strong convictions that everything going on in our life will work out for the best. We know that there is a plan that has already been laid, and we are simply here to execute to the best of our ability. We return to court on the 7th, and then the final TPR hearing is in March. March 6th to be exact. We feel that we have done everything that we can possibly do to make these boys a part of our family. We know that God has planned what is best for all the parties involved and we are relying on him to carry us through this. We have in fact, turned it over to God, and we know that in all things God works for the good of those , who love him, who have been called according for his purpose (Romans 8:28).

Happy New Year from our FAMILY to YOURS!!!

As you do not know the path of the wind,

or how the body is framed in a mother's womb,

so you cannot understand the work of God,

the Maker of all things.

Ecclesiastes 11:5